A Song That Makes Me Want To Cry

Silence is Golden?

In the last 24 hours, I have had two people tell me how quiet I am. The first one outright said "You're really quiet." The second was someone I have Biology with and then we walk to the Institute Monday through Thursday, and then he's in my ward, so I see him quite a bit. Today we were just walking in silence for about half the walk, which I was fine with because I was kind of deep in thought, and he said, "It's funny how sometimes we just run out of things to say and then then we're just silent. I'm used to being around Natalie, Ashley, and Rachel (three girls from our ward that I/we hang out with quite a bit) and they are constantly talking. But I'm good with a little silence, that's more how I am." Maybe he thought he may have offended me and then tried to make up for it after, but I think he was being serious, mostly because that's how I am too. There are definitely awkward silences, but I am not a person that has to be talking all of the time.

In the words of Coach Boone from Remember the Titans:

"I don't scratch my head unless it itches and I don't dance unless I hear some music. I will not be intimidated, that's just the way it is."

I'd just like to add "I don't talk unless I have something to say."

After writing this I realized how unimportant and uninteresting of a story that was, but it was something I was thinking about. Which was preventing me from talking when I could have been, I guess.

Also, I do like talking, if the opposite impression was made. I guess I should just make sure I have a lot to say to those people who can't function without it.

Unrelated note: I like Parks and Rec. I'm not sure if this is funny for someone who doesn't, and actually I don't really know if you do, but I found it awesome.

I Need Children Right Now

Just so that I can order one of these without feeling like a creep.

Too Bad I Have Class...

"Science Night Live! - How to Become Invisible Without a Cloak
Wednesday, March 28, 2012, 5:30 pm - 7:00 pm
Have you ever dreamed of being invisible? One method scientists have tested is an “invisibility cloak” made from specially designed materials. Although good for invisibility, such cloaks would completely isolate you from the outside world, though one way to remedy this problem uses the same principles used in noise canceling headphones."

This was all the information given about the seminar. It sounds pretty awesome.

I Guess This Is Why "Words of Affirmation" Is One of The Love Languages

One time I made this list.

I didn't really think that I would hear any of them so soon.

It feels about as nice as I thought it would.

Even if it was said in a semi-to-fully joking way.

I'll take it.

They Make It sound So...Simple

 

I Finally Did It

I read the Hunger Games. And it was good and all, I just couldn't help but find it kind of ironic that I was entertained by it and couldn't stop reading it until I found out what happened and that I had favorite contestants and that I kept making bets about who would win... kinda like the people in the Capitol.

:/

"Be the kind of person that you want to meet."

I found this on the internet.

From now on I'm going to try and be someone that I want to hang out with.

:)

Thursdays are good days. They just are.

I thought last semester was great. But somehow I've been happy for pretty much all of this semester, which has rocked. I don't know why I ever lived any other way.

Pointless post. I just felt like posting. Enjoy this picture of a puppy.

Oh, I thought of a point, one of the reasons that it was such a good day...If nothing weird happens, I have a place to live next year. In an apartment that my school will pay for. With three other girls that I don't know yet, but that I know from their housing profiles are strongly religiously involved, not comfortable with tobacco or drinking, and don't stay up too late. So they sound pretty reasonable. The location was not exactly where I thought it was, but you can't have everything. In life. City living!

Holla fo a Dolla

Do not be surprised if I start applying as much of these phrases to my conversations as possible.

Because Movie Trailers Are Kind Of My Hobby

Also, still so totally stoked for Moonrise Kingdom. You have no idea. No, really, you don't, because I have yet to show you The Royal Tenenbaums. Put it on the summer bucket list.

Overthinking It (But in a Good Way)

     Sometimes, I like to pretend that none of the painful/awkward/depressing things that have happened in my life ever really happened. I like to forget about people who've made me sad or who I've made sad. I like to fantasize that everything is going perfectly and that I have not one single aspect of my life out of place. It feels pretty good for a while (and by "while" I mean "minute").
     Then I remember that these seemingly negative events and people are inseparable from the best moments I've had in my life: the times that I've laughed till my head hurt or that I've felt just truly and purely loved. Every bad time has led to a good time. And this is when I realize that without some bad stuff mixed in, I wouldn't have experienced the good stuff. This is when I realize that the good stuff outweighs the bad stuff by so far that I should count myself as one of the luckiest girls I know. I have so much to be thankful for, and I'm positive that I'll have so much more to be thankful for in the future, and this is what keeps me going even when I don't always have the foresight that would assure me of a bright tomorrow. I know it's there, even if tomorrow doesn't always come as soon as I would like.
     So, here's to looking up and over, but at the same time, pushing through and paying attention to everything there is to learn along the way►►►

It's Coming.

Even with that surprise snowstorm last night, I know summer is coming. I've smelled it. I've felt it. I've almost tasted it. And today, walking back from class in the sunshine, I heard it:

(on my iPod at least. I know there are more summery sounds than chris carrabba, but this song just gets to me)

((for a swear free version, listen to about 1:40, beyond that I take no responsibility for any words you may hear.))

A Few Good Men. Or maybe just one.

Today, a guy sitting in front of me in class was reading this article:

Later in class, he turned to his friends and said, "Guys, we need to make a blog."
I also noticed that he was carrying a guitar case.

Unfortunately, he had a wedding ring on.

New Goal: Marry a Loser

http://drkellyflanagan.com/2012/03/02/marriage-is-for-losers/

Because We Jumped On A Trampoline Today

Communication is Key

I watched this movie the other day, and it was weird. However, there was one part that stuck with me, and you can find it between 0:16 and 0:34 of the following clip:

Mostly, I wanted to share the part when he says, "It's just confusion and it can be erased in a split second." It is so true, guy who was the brother on The Mummy and whose name I do not know. But, I think it's easier said than done. But also, I think it's easier said than done because we make it that way. Why are human beings so weird? 

I Am Me

There had to come a time when I realized that I would never somehow mysteriously and magically become one or any combination of these three women:

From top to bottom:

• Zooey Deschanel, my hair and fashion idol, the movie/tv/music star who manages to embody the adorable quirkiness I feel inside, and she does it alongside people I think I'd love to be around.
• Grace Kelly, a classic movie star turned Princess of Monaco, who radiates all that is elegance, charm, and, well, grace, and who just might be the most beautiful person to have ever lived.
• Emma Watson, who is braver than I in taking the drastic hair transformation leap. Not to mention being an unbelievably successful star of the focus of a large portion of my childhood with more ambition, money, elegance and stunning beauty than I can even comprehend.

As much as part of me wants to hold out, I think that time has finally come. Although I can't say that I wouldn't trade almost anything to be them if some magic genie or wish-granting unicorn gave me that chance, I think I can say that I will be happy to stay me if that opportunity never arises.

I just realized something. Not to take away from them or anything, but in a way it's kind of nice to not be fabulously gorgeous or successful or wealthy with a dazzling personality and a perfect Victoria's Secret body and the moves like Jagger. People with one or more of these qualities might think "Ha, of course you say that, you don't know what it's like to look amazing and be celebrated and have people idolize you, and your only other choice is to be miserable because that's not what life's like for you." And they may be right. But I will be unashamedly ok with being me because the other option really kind of sucks.

Getting back to why it is nice to be an average Joe....sephine: I can't see what motive the people who talk to me and hang out with me and actually miraculously just want to be around me have in associating with me aside from the fact that they like the me that I am. And that makes me happy.

(Sometimes people just want help with their homework, but since I've gotten out of high school I am usually no better academically, or I'm worse off, than those around me.)

Other than that, I'm just going to try and be the best me that I can be, and help others be the best them that they can be, and trust that people will be attracted to my heart and mind and soul, because that's probably the best chance I've got at happiness in this life.

Sigh...

Sometimes you just have to listen to this song lots of times.

Don't worry, that wasn't a depressed sigh. Just a sigh. For those times when your heart skips a beat. And you know that when you catch it, someone will be out of reach. Especially when you're sure they've heard it before. (I'm going to start speaking in lyrics. How many times have I said I'm going to do this? Many.)

Or for when you are just feeling dramatic. Like me.

As Old-Fashioned As It Gets Nowadays

Today I was sitting in a lecture hall waiting for a class of about two hundred people to begin. A couple rows ahead of me I saw a guy on Facebook with his laptop. I probably wouldn't have thought anything more about it except for the fact that minutes before class was about to start, he stood up, turned 180 degrees looking around for someone, and when he found her in the last row, politely called, "Happy Birthday, [girl's name]," then calmly sat back down. Good man.

The Show Must Go On?

"We regret to announce that tonight's show in Tuscon will be cancelled due to member illness. Extreme apologies to those who were planning on attending."

-Facebook status from Typhoon

There must be a whole lot of them sick, because honestly, I feel like there could be at least four or five of them gone and no one would notice...

I Walk it Out

     There was a time in my life before I could drive a car. I have never been grateful for that time until today. I've been a little down about buying a car for myself with my own money and then having it be a dud. Today, the sun was shining and happiness was coming down in the form of its rays. I thought, "I wish I could drive somewhere far away and play in the waves and sand with the beautiful sky washing over me." Then my roommate asked if I wanted to go for a walk. I thought, "Well, I guess that'll do." It did do. I just walked and talked and laughed and maintained the perfect temperature in my short sleeves and found myself thinking that I had been a silly head, just like I do more than I would like to admit. Sometimes, walking is all you need to do, even when you wish you could be flying down a coast-bound high way ☼

If You Weren't Aware of The Existence of This Book

My institute teacher brought this up. I thought of you.

http://deseretbook.com/Continuous-Atonement-Brad-Wilcox/i/5013881

Why Not?

Life seems to be better when it is filled with spontaneous, do-whatever-you-feel-like-doing-when-you-feel-like-doing-it moments. I want to be like this couple someday:

(this is kind of creepy since I am just Facebook friends with one of the people who commented on this and I have no idea who they actually are, but hey.)

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=876023451754&set=p.876023451754&type=1&theater

Edit: I feel obligated to share this. Ok, that sounds bad. I want to share this. And I actually think you should make one. For realsies.

http://mormon.org/me/8FWT/

Human Beings are Extraordinary

"Remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you can talk to may one day be a creature which, if you say it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship, or else a horror and a corruption such as you now meet, if at all, only  in a nightmare. All day long we are, in some degree, helping each other to one or other of these destinations. It is in the light of these overwhelming possibilities, it is with the awe and the circumspection proper to them, that we should conduct all our dealings with one another, all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics. There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilisations,--these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit--immortal horrors or everlasting splendours."

-C.S. Lewis, from 'The Weight of Glory'

I have always, always wanted to be a person that can look at someone else, and no matter what, see the good in them instead of bringing up the bad (even if only in their head). I wish to be that person that, when you talk to them, you know that you are loved and important and crucial to this world in some way. The people that can do this are the people that I admire and respect, and I like to think that they had to work to become this way, maybe because it gives me more hope to get myself there.

The Rescuing Hug

'Heidi and Paul Jackson's twin girls, Brielle and Kyrie, were born October 17, 1995, 12 weeks ahead of their due date. Standard hospital practice is to place preemie twins in separate incubators to reduce the risk of infection. that was done for the Jackson girls in the neonatal intensive care unit at The Medical Center of Central Massachusetts in Worcester.
Kyrie, the larger sister at two pounds, three ounces, quickly began gaining weight and calmly sleeping her newborn days away. But Brielle, who weighed only two pounds at birth, couldn't keep up with her. She had breathing and heart-rate problems. The oxygen level in her blood was low, and her weight gain was slow.
Suddenly, on November 12, Brielle went into critical condition. She began gasping for breath, and her face and stick-thin arms and legs turned bluish-gray. Her heart rate was way up, and she got hiccups, a dangerous sign that her body was under stress. Her parents watched, terrified that she might die.
Nurse Gayle Kasparian tried everything she could think of to stabilize Brielle. She suctioned her breathing passages and turned up the oxygen flow to the incubator. Still Brielle squirmed and fussed as her oxygen intake plummeted and her heart rate soared.
Then Kasparian remembered something she had heard from a colleague. It was a procedure, common in parts of Europe but almost unheard of in this country, that called for double-bedding multiple-birth babies, especially preemies.
Kasparian's nurse manager, Susan Fitzback, was away at a conference, and the arrangement was unorthodox. But Kasparian decided to take the risk.
"Let me just try putting Brielle in with her sister to see if that helps," she said to the alarmed parents. "I don't know what else to do."
The Jacksons quickly gave the go-ahead, and Kasparian slipped the squirming baby into the incubator holding the sister she hadn't seen since birth. Then Kasparian and the Jacksons watched.
No sooner had the door of the incubator closed then Brielle snuggled up to Kyrie - and calmed right down. Within minutes Brielle's blood-oxygen readings were the best they had been since she was born. As she dozed, Kyrie wrapped her tiny arm around her smaller sibling.
By coincidence, the conference Fitzback was attending included a presentation on double-bedding. This is something I want to see happen at The Medical Center, she thought. But it might be hard making the change. On her return she was doing rounds when the nurse caring for the twins that morning said, "Sue, take a look in that isolette over there."

"I can't believe this," Fitzback said. "This is so beautiful."
"You mean, we can do it?" asked the nurse.
"Of course we can," Fitzback replied.
Today a handful of institutions around the country are adopting double-bedding, which seems to reduce the number of hospital days. The practice is growing quickly, even though the first scientific studies on it didn't begin until this past January.
But Heidi and Paul Jackson don't need any studies to know that double-bedding helped Brielle. She is thriving. In fact, now that the two girls are home, they still steep together - and still snuggle.'

Condensed from Worcester Telegram & Gazette

November 18, 1995