Pros And Cons

Having your own (shared) bathroom is pretty nice most of the time.
Other times your suitemate's boyfriend comes in when you're taking a shower.
Not a big deal.

Tree Hugging

"When we try to pick out anything by itself, we find it hitched to everything else in the universe."

John Muir, "Father of the Natural Parks"

--Shae

You Know You Are In The Right Place...

when you turn a corner, and this is staring you down:

I feel pretty good about where I live. I also can't believe it has taken me this long to run into Harry. Maybe he just moved in...

Other random things I have found going to/from class that have made me smile/laugh to myself/stare (a little):

• a lone bagpiper playing in a grove of trees. I just liked that.
• a manhole cover that says communications. this wouldn't have been funny except for the fact that I was going to communications. Also I was fairly tired.
• a soap dispenser that is hung at precisely the right height to dispense soap onto my foot using my knee. I guess they have to accommodate everyone?
• a glove laying on the ground in the "I love you" sign. I don't know if someone put it like that. I like to think that the glove just really loves someone. Maybe its missing pair.
• these paint splotches that just look like blobs from one angle, but they turn out to be pictures from another angle. Either that or I am just really creative. I guess it's graffiti but I kind of like it.

"I find joy in the simplest of things."

                               -a quote I heard once.

I Should Be Sleeping

Well, I'm pulling my first all-nighter down here in the basement laundry room of my dorm. It's really 2:04 AM, and I've got a solid 4 hours of homework left to go. While I was walking down here an hour ago, I saw people just hanging out. I got so annoyed that I had been running around all day doing school stuff, now I'm still doing school stuff, and other people are just hanging out... Then I asked myself, "Why am I trying so hard?" I've always done everything with the intent of getting the "top grade," and it's taken me till now to figure out why. It's not because anyone else has told me to (I don't do things until I decide they're things I need to do; I don't know why, it's just how I roll). I am here at college because I want to be better. I'm not here so I can make more money. I'm not here to party it up. I'm here to learn what I can and grow into a better Shae. Maybe it's the lack of sleep popping up now, and maybe this has nothing to do with anything, but the song "The Lucky Ones" by Brendan James is now going through my head. It opens up with:
 "On the edge of a moment, 
In the land that we love,
In the time that our best has to be good enough,
Like all those before us, we start out alone,We race from our schoolyards, into the unknown"
I've never realized how terrifying it is when your best has to be good enough. 
I've also never been more excited to find out. --Shae

The Spiritual Side

Ok, so it's Saturday night. And yes, I am doing homework in my room on a Saturday night. But I have homework to do, and not any place in particular to go, and no desire to have to try and impress anyone (sorry, roommate. I look like a hobo on most days anyway so you should be used to it by now). Regardless of the day of the week, though, I believe that you can, and probably should, find spirituality in your everyday life and use it to try to step back and refocus on what's important in life. On this particular day, I remembered about an essay by Brian Doyle that I really kind of love. Here it is, presented in all its cut-and-pasted glory. I hope that you will find it as thought (and heart?) provoking as I did.

Thanks, Brian.

Two Hearts

Some months ago my wife delivered twin sons one minute apart. The older is Joseph and the younger is Liam. Joseph is dark and Liam is light. Joseph is healthy and Liam is not. Joseph has a whole heart and Liam has half. This means that Liam will have two major surgeries before he is three years old.

I have read many pamphlets about Liam's problem. I have watched many doctors' hands drawing red and blue lines on pieces of white paper. They are trying to show me why Liam's heart doesn't work properly. I watch the markers in the doctors' hands. Here comes red, there goes blue. The heart is a railroad station where the trains are switched to different tracks. A normal heart switches trains flawlessly two billion times in a life; in an abnormal heart, like Liam's, the trains crash and the station crumbles to dust.

So there are many nights now when I tuck Liam and his wheezing train station under my beard in the blue hours of night and think about his Maker. I would kill the god who sentence him to such awful pain, I would stab him in the heart like he stabbed my son, I would shove my fury in his face like a fist, but I know in my own broken heart that this same god made my magic boys, shaped their apple faces and coyote eyes, put joy in the eager suck of their mouths. So it is that my hands are not clenched in anger but clasped in confused and merry and bitter prayer.

I talk to God more than I admit, "Why did you break my boy?" I ask.

I gave you that boy, he says, and his lean brown brother, and the elfin daughter you love so.

"But you wrote death on his heart," I say.

I write death on all hearts, he says, just as I write life.

This is where the conversation always ends and I am left holding the extraordinary awful perfect prayer of my second son, who snores like a seal, who might die tomorrow, who did not die today.

The Cure for Bieber Fever

I heard that Justin Bieber got a new tattoo. I'll admit that I Googled it, which is embarrassing. Not quite as embarrassing as some of the things I found.

Yes, I am pretty sure that this is a man's leg.

I should've known better. --Shae

Another Awkward Moment

So I get on the bus, and there is this guy sitting there, and he says to me "Hey, weren't you with us at that water balloon fight?" Then starts the customary "Oh yeah, I'm sorry, what was your name again?" and "So what are you majoring in?" and we have a good chat. Then, towards the end of the ride, we start talking about where we live:
"Blah blah I live in Gateway, its pretty cool blah blah where do you live?"
"I'm at Shoreline, its the one kind of back behind the HC."
"Oh, so you are kind of by that little playground that has the dinosaur you can ride? Me and my roommate love to just go randomly play there."
"Yeah...actually, my job is to basically help get rid of that playground. Resident Housing wants it gone because they changed the married housing to just regular student housing."

Oh.

Water Balloon Guy, I thought we could be friends. Your arguments and reasoning for taking out the playground were very sound, but I just don't know if I can come back from that initial crushing of my happiness.
Maybe I'll see you around sometime.
But I will never look at you the same way again.

Here, Have a Little Inspiration.

I love short films. I love regular films, and a few extra-long films, as well, but there is just something about a really great short film that makes me want to watch it lots and lots of times and then think about it and smile afterwords. The Academy Award nominated ones that you can get from Netflix are awesome (and occasionally disturbing, but what can you do?) and I would highly recommend them.  However I came across this one online, and I found it to be fairly inspiring, once you get past the creepy. At first I thought it was almost a little too inspiring, borderline cheesy, but then I read a little more about the main actor, and he is for real. If you ever think you are having a bad day, just go read his Wikipedia page. He's a cool dude. Here is his film.

http://thebutterflycircus.com/short-film/

If I was really cool, I would know how to put the video itself on here. But, alas, this is what you get.

Copy Catting

I would also like to give cheers to some of my musical muses. Speaking of which

I would also like to bring up the flawless and oh-so-fine voices of the men of The Fray. Thank you for being my first ever concert, and for showing me what real performers can do.

And then there is Dashboard Confessional. "Vindicated" is not only my favorite song, it is also a part of the Spiderman legacy, and has consequently stolen my heart.

I don't even mind that you copied
the way I tease my hair.
That is how much I respect you.

If I could have the voice of anyone, it would have to be Adele. If you haven't, listen to her remake of "Make You Feel My Love." I know I felt it.

And then there are the classics: Relient K, Yellowcard, Journey... you know, those guys. Music saves. --Shae

Music is my Boyfriend (and possibly even my girlfriend...)

But really. I'd just like to take a second and give a shout-out to the people in my life who are really making my college experience possible. (Was this inspired by the Emmys last night? possibly.) There are certainly a lot of them, from my amazing family, to my friends, who I think are kind of cool, to whoever it really is that gave me this scholarship. But right now, I want to focus on the ones who are right beside me every step of the way, everywhere I go, in my ears and my head and my heart. Yes, before this gets really creepy, I would like to thank my music and the people who take time out of their busy schedules to make it for me.

First, to Bon Iver, for always being there for me, even though you didn't seem to find Salt Lake City or anywhere remotely close by important enough to stop on your tour. Whatevs. I understand.



Next, to Jamie Xx, and your band, and everyone else who sounds like you, for emerging as the somehow only way I can get through chemistry homework.



Chris Martin, even though we don't talk as much as we used to, I still remember that one time we hung out and you looked straight at me, probably. You are one of my (self-absorbed yet attractive) rocks.

To The Shins, you are basically the greatest band ever created, next to the Beatles, and that's all I have to say about that.

Elliott Smith, I wished you hadn't stabbed yourself in the chest, but at least you left some music for us to remember you by.



There are so many more of you, but this could potentially go on forever, so just know that I am thinking of you, too. As a final note, I would just like to thank Spotify for bringing us all together (with the exception of certain Radiohead albums, most of the works of The White Stripes, etc) even though you have annoying country music commercials sometimes.

Thank you.

Maturity Matters

This sounds real mature.

I was looking to update the information on the blog when I came across an option that said "Does your blog contain adult content?" I naively almost selected yes (I like to think we take on some pretty mature subjects up in here) before I realized what they were asking. Then I got a little mad (I do that sometimes). Why is it okay to participate in that junk just because a person is of a certain age? Why does the world keep making things seem like they aren't a big deal when they really are? Why can't we all just try to do our best in making the world a better place instead of getting stuck in things that aren't helpful to anyone? I know that I myself have stuff to work on (not anything having to do with "adult content" mind you), so I propose a movement, starting today, that we all try to spend every minute being better than we were the last minute. Maybe something good can come of it? --Shae

Expectations vs. Reality

I really sort of love this movie, 500 Days of Summer. Maybe it's a little sad that one of my favorite "stories about love"

See? I didn't make that up.

 is fairly depressing throughout most of it. But there is so much in there that is so true to life, especially in this scene, which is one of my favorites (and which also happens to be backwards at the moment, sorry about that):

I think that a lot of what makes up learning to be happy in life is deciding (and deciding correctly) which expectations you deserve to keep, and which ones will only make the reality of it all...well, just ask Tom about that one.

On a more upbeat note, I am about to attend one of the world's largest water balloon fights in probably 60 degree weather, so, you know, life could be worse. Hopefully I will get a free t-shirt out of it.

Freeee--Free Fallin'

Today I walked past the on-campus elementary school to get to one of my classes. Evidently it was recess time, and I couldn't help but overhearing one of the second grade girls screaming, "I'm free to do whatever I please!" while running around the playground. It reminded me of a realization I had when I first moved into my dorm: I was all on my own and "free to do whatever I please." ...hopefully I don't mess this thing up (and by thing, I mean my life) with my new self-reliance. --Shae

It's Working.

To the boy who brought the incredibly adorable St. Bernard puppy to the bus stop today: We know why you are here. We know why you have been walking that puppy around with your buddies and introducing her to groups of googly-eyed, "awww-ing" girls. And, in the (edited for shae's certain peoples' ears) words of Rhett Butler, "Frankly, my dear, we don't give a...dang." There is definitely a fair amount of "hitting on" that goes on during the college years (I would know because I have personally been around a lot of both boys and girls, and they make for excellent people watching). Some of it is welcome, and wanted; some of it is definitely not. But no matter who you are, if you have got this snuggly ball of cuteness on your side:

We will be all over that. Guaranteed.

Save the Unicorns

Today, Kenny Loggins' song "Return to Pooh Corner" popped up in shuffle on my iTunes, and I have to admit, it always brings a tear to my eye. While it does have amazing graphics on the album cover that can give even the hardest heart a warm, fuzzy feeling, it was the words to the song that really got to me. I think I used to listen to them all the time as a little girl, and now that I'm in college, I almost got to the conclusion that I was all grown up. Luckily, Kenny saved me. How hopeless would life be if there came a point where we knew everything and had nothing left to experience and grow from? I don't think anyone is "all grown up" no matter how old they are. So, since Peter Pan once said, "Never say goodbye because goodbye means going away, and going away means forgetting," I say, "Thank you, Kenny. See you around." Stay young, world. --Shae

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BpXUYIOoFzM

University of Witchcraft and Wizardry

Today, while reading my biology book, I realized that whenever I came across the scientific name of a bug, I said it (in my mind) in a know-it-all British accent. Then I realized that I was used to seeing those kind of words only in Harry Potter spells. You can never go wrong studying with the help of Hermione Granger.
--Shae

Books Are For Learning

I wish that college left a little more time for reading books that aren't required and don't cost exorbitant amounts of money. In fact, one picture I had in my brain of what I would look like as a hip college student went a little something like this:

Yeah, that's pretty much who I secretly think I am. Anyways, I have been thinking about one of my favorite books, All the Pretty Horses by Cormac McCarthy, and one quote in particular that has stuck with me. You know when it is the middle of the night and something just hits you and you want to always remember it? Here it goes:


"I wanted very much to be a person of value and I had to ask myself how this could be possible if there were not something like a soul or like a spirit that is in the life of a person and which could endure any misfortune or disfigurement and yet be no less for it. If one were to be a person of value that value could not be a condition subject to the hazards of fortune. It had to be a quality that could not change. No matter what. Long before morning. I knew that what I was seeking to discover was a thing I'd always known. That all courage was a form of constancy. That it was always himself that the coward abandoned first." 


Yeah. I could do with a little more reading of books.

I ♥ Technology

Skype has become one of my best friends, only second to the people I use it to talk to. --Shae