So I Guess This Makes Me a Creep...

I am going to take this posting opportunity to be a little selfish. There are a lot of things I want from life. Some of them are really good things, things that benefit not only me but those around me. Some things I just want because I want them. I think that Radiohead sums up my selfish wants pretty dang well with these words:

"I want a perfect body
 I want a perfect soul
 I want you to notice when I'm not around"

Focusing too much on the first one can really mess with my life, since I could spend virtually every second of the day trying to make this happen, only to basically fail. But what I can do is just accept that it is what it is, and just try to live a happy and healthy life. Or just take these words of Regina Spektor to heart...

You could argue that this next one isn't really selfish in a negative way. And I really am trying my best. There is only one way I'm going to get to perfection; I know I've just got to try my best every day to get as close as I can, and when it isn't enough, which is always, I know where to turn.

This last one never really stood out to me until I left for school. I left behind a lot of people I care about. And by a lot, I think I mean more about the quality than the quantity. I can't always be with the people that are important to me, and one of my greatest fears is to be forgotten and left, moved on from. I think everybody wants and needs people who notice when they aren't around. Obviously I need to do my part in letting other people know they aren't forgotten too, but I already warned you that this would be a selfish post so I feel that gives me the right to just say whatever I feel. And that is how I feel.

Happy Halloween! I already wrote a Halloween post, but I did make an edit that you can find here if you feel like reading it. I think it basically sums up the university Halloween spirit.

Why Do I Have Today?

Inspirational videos featuring real-life footage always get to me. This one was no exception.

And then it reminded me of a song that, when I first heard it, gave me a new life motto: "Are you who you want to be?"

I've been thinking, and I've come to to the conclusion that every day we live has a purpose. I don't think we are intended to waste time; we're here for a reason and we are each supposed to do stuff that other people can't do in exactly the same way. The only thing we need to do is figure out why we have these days we do, and then do what we're supposed to be doing with them. Hopefully someday, I get better at doing this myself.

--Shae

Three Totally Random Thoughts of the Day

1. I just learned in chemistry the biological/medical reason that poisons like cyanide will kill you. It has probably been the most interesting thing, to me, that I have learned all year. I am going to take this as a sign that I am on the right educational/career path.

2. Yesterday an old drunk man basically told me I would have a hard time getting married. I know, now more than ever before,  that drunk people of all ages say things that they probably wouldn't under normal circumstances (unless they are just very loud/confused/creepy/inappropriate people all of the time) but I still found it hard not to take it a little personally.

3. http://www.lytro.com/
    Check it out. It's pretty awesome.

Desensitization

There are a lot of things that used to bug me before I came to college, and now they don't so much. Now, I'm all for being accepting; however, I don't think this is a good thing.

--Shae

This Man Can Do No Wrong

Justin Vernon, a.k.a. the heart and soul of Bon Iver

Sorry. I sort of already did a music post. But I really didn't know it was possible for music to mean so much to me. I have songs and bands that I like, and songs and bands that I love, and then there are occasions where a song, usually a song already in the love category, will somehow go to a new level and fill every part of me, become part of who I am. And usually there isn't a definite reason I can find. But for the music of Bon Iver, I have listened to and loved basically all of his music that I could find. Somehow, a majority of his songs have one by one become, to borrow from The Cult, painted on my heart. In his (modified for context) words, "I know that it's good, girl, cause it's running me with red." -"Blood Bank"

Thanks for speaking directly to my soul, Justin. Here's to many more hours of listening, and singing in the shower, and singing in my head basically everywhere I go.

6 Foot Tall Rabbit

     "Years ago my mother used to say to me, she'd say, 'In this world, Elwood, you must be' - she always called me Elwood - 'In this world, Elwood, you must be oh-so-smart or oh-so-pleasant.' Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant. You may quote me." 

--Elwood P. Dowd, from the movie Harvey

--Shae

I'm So Productive

I have some pretty long breaks between classes, like three-ish hours on some days. I feel so college-y when I use that time studying in the library with my salt and vinegar kettle chips and laptop in one of my favorite spots. I also feel very college-y just having a favorite spot in the library. However, other times, I plan on doing this, but then the curse blessing of living so close to campus sucks me in, and instead I pick up a carton of Ben and Jerry's, go up to my room, literally follow the advice of Blink-182 and take off my pants and jacket, and then alternately watch Source Code and nap until I have to roll off my bed and catch the shuttle to get to class with two minutes to spare. I should probably work on this.

And yes, I did eat the entire carton of Half-Baked today. Myself. Roughly 1080 Calories. Whatevs.

Just a Lot of Stuff

     I could put all of my thoughts into different posts that made sense, but I can't focus long enough to do that. So welcome to the jumble of consciousness that is my mind.
     A couple days ago, I was reading a health and beauty magazine when I came across an article that said arched eyebrows are out of style. I have arched eyebrows. What am I supposed to do with that? The next day, this guy walked past me singing a song that said, "If you think you're special, then you're probably not." It got stuck in my head. I think the combination of both of these events left me subconsciously feeling quite down on myself, until today when I realized that I am special because I have arched eyebrows.

Take that magazine publishers/random pessimistic singing guy.

     On a completely different subject, I'm not intimidated by my library any more. Do you wanna know why?

BAM!

     Also, I've figured out that I can do whatever I need to do, because I have an amazing team of specialists (AKA the awesome people in my life) working to help me with whatever I need. The only thing that gets in the way is my occasional inability to accept help, which I am trying to work on. 

     Finally, I just want to say that I am very glad that someone on the floor under me knows how to play only the chorus of "Baby" by Justin Bieber on the piano. They are really getting pretty good at that part of the song. And that is all.

--Shae

Untitled

I'm feeling somewhere between

and

at the moment. Over the past few days, I think that pretty much everyone that is important to me that I've had contact with has either made some sacrifice for me or given me something or both, whether it be with material things,their time, or something emotionally, spiritually, socially (ecumenically...grammatically...sorry, I was just reminding myself of Captain Jack). But really. I looked back and tried to think of what I had done for or given these people to deserve it, and came up with just about nothin. I drew a blank. And I realized that I take the people in my life for granted, and though there is basically no way I could ever equally repay all of them, I sure as cuss need to try harder to do just that. I need to be more thankful for what I have, and then act on it. So to start, thank you, world, both the big big world and my much smaller personal world I live in. I will keep trying my best to make it up to you.

It's A Few Days Early, But...

I finally got to see Psycho (and on the big screen!). I think that one of my reactions to the film was possibly not the most appropriate or intended one, which is that I kind of have a crush on Normal Bates........

However, it is my personal belief that Halloween can mean different things to different people, and if to me it means "a time where I can feel less weird about being attracted to psychopathic killers," then so be it.

Christian Bale,  American Psycho

Happy Halloween.

EDIT: I said Halloween can mean different things to different people, right? Well, if I have learned anything about Halloween from being here at college, I have learned that if you just put the word "sexy" in front of basically any other word, it becomes a Halloween costume. Genius! 

So Your Cat Wants to Live?

EXCLUSIVE: Cat survives euthanasia and being placed in a freezer

I would like to introduce these guys to this lady I know of

--Shae

L.O.L.

I think that I think things are too funny. Things happen around me and I usually see them in a comical way. Like today when I was crossing the street and a car was coming. I was pretty sure it was going to stop (I was in a crosswalk), but I did start to question my judgement as it came closer without reducing speed. The strangest part is that I just kept walking...Luckily, he did hit the brakes, but I am a little concerned that the only thing I could do after was laugh because I was picturing myself explaining to a doctor,"Well, I guess I just assumed..." I hope that nothing too serious happens to me because of my inability to be serious.
--Shae

Oh, Life.

That is all.

Not Cool.

I choose not to recognize that photo. Instead, for your viewing pleasure, I have provided these images of perfection, beauty and attractiveness that do, indeed, float my boat.

Mmmm

 Mmmm

Mmmmm

Mmmmm

  Mmmmm

 Mmmmmmmmmm

And my personal favorite: 

Mmm. Consider my boat floated.

Whatever Floats Your Boat

--Shae

A Full Heart...Too

I would just like to say thanks for all of the large, small, random, and perfect miracles that have happened in the last 24 hours for me. There have been more than a few. And all have made me appreciate that biggest one of all:

Life, the Universe, and Everything.

Thank You.

A Full Heart

     I have times when I don't think things are going to be okay. My life isn't really that bad, I am actually a pretty lucky girl, I just sometimes don't allow myself to see how things are going to work out. Luckily, I've come to find out who I can turn to to make me feel at peace, especially with the changes that come with beginning to become an independent individual. Knowing that there is always someone that has been through exactly what I'm having troubles with and that He can give me the comfort that I need to make it through is really what's made it possible for me to not give up. Life is all about hope; without it, what would be the point of living?
     I remember my first week at college. I don't know if I've ever felt so alone in my life! I kept having conversations with anyone I could find, but nothing made me feel better. I don't know what took me so long, but I finally called home. As soon as my dad answered, I felt better. For some reason, it has taken me nineteen years to find out how much I want to be close to my family forever, and I'm so grateful that I have the resources to do that. I was put with these people for a reason, and I hope I can get better at giving them what they need from me. I love them more than I think I even know!
     --Shae
P.S. This post was mostly for me. Sorry ;(
    

Sometimes I Feel Like This Is My Theme Song

Perhaps not every aspect of it. But you get the idea. Interpret it how you may.

Also, yes, this is originally a Radiohead song. However, I think Thom Yorke has weird lips and I don't like watching them sing, so I chose this version for video purposes.

Huntin' High and Low

That's what I've been doing. Kind of. I'm been looking for a job. And while there are definitely people around that need a job more than I do, and are hunting higher and lower than I am, I'm surprisingly closer to a sort of surprising job than I thought I'd be at this point. Thank you, connections. I'm going to "have a look around" and meet with someone on Monday. If all goes well, this could be me:

We'll see how it goes.

Drinking Habits of Mythical Creatures

Today in Art History, we discussed the western pediment of the Temple of Zeus in Ancient Greece.

This centaur is one of the figures found in the pediment.

While explaining the presence of centaurs, our teacher said, and I quote, "You don't want to give a centaur alcohol; they get crazy and wild, and when they're inebriated, they steal all the women and ruin the party." I don't know why I felt weird for being the only one that seemed to find that funny. Oh, the irony.

--Shae

"In 2005, a 12-year-old Palestinian Muslim named Ahmed Khatib was shot by Israeli soldiers who mistook his play gun for a real one. Ahmed's parents chose to donate their son's organs specifically to Israeli parents with the hope that their actions would advance the cause of peace between Palestinians and Israelis. Five Israeli children and a 58-year-old Israeli woman received needed organ transplants as a result. Afterward, Ahmed's father reportedly observed, "I feel that my son has entered the heart of every Israeli"

You Pretty Much Had It Right.

Ancient Egyptian Love Song

"While unhurried days come and go,
Let us turn to each other in quiet affection,
Walk in peace to the edge of the old age.
And I shall be with you each unhurried day,
A woman given her one wish: to see
For a lifetime the face of her Lord."

This was a jewel I found in the archaeological words of my Art History book. The feelings this brings out change drastically when you change who the speaker is. I read this first as coming from the mind of the "woman" mentioned and dreamily imagined a life where I could walk around unhurriedly with the love of my life. Then I read it again as the words of the "Lord" in the last line.

The only image that came to mind was this guy:

--Shae

Pros And Cons, Part 2

Fall Break is a great time. Well, I'm guessing it will be since it actually just started. And when you stick around for the first few days of it, when most of the people around you have left, things can get interesting.

The downsides? Locking yourself out. There is no one to let you in. Of course, this would be the time I do that. Luckily the housing has anticipated that this will happen, and after a moment of panic, I realized there is actually someone to let me in. And they really were very understanding.

The biggest upside for me is that I don't feel obligated to wear pants all the time in my room.

Recycling and Drunks

I just got back from my first day on the job as a volunteer member of the campus Green Police.  It was a lot like this:

Kind of. But really, it was great. Also, I apologize in advanced for this post because it will probably just be a rambling jumble of random thoughts on the day.
I think that any time you step out of what you do in your everyday life and try something new, you will be better for the experience. Recycling on game days is really what our Green Police is all about, and it gave me a great perspective on that. I used to think french fries were the devil, but I now see that the real devil is plastic water bottles. I'm not kidding. Reduce and Reuse, but when the first two R's don't work out and you have to make some trash, well don't throw it out, Recycle. That may or may not be part of a Jack Johnson song.
I was also glad I got to experience a demographic that I don't always spend a lot of time around, namely the totally-hammered-by-noon tailgating football fans, a good portion of which weren't students. But aside from the man who threw his beer can on the ground glaring at us, and the man who told me "h— no, girl, you ain't taking my drink" (I wasn't trying to take his drink), people were happy and friendly, and got even friendlier as time went on. Yes, I am talking to you, old men who gave us hugs and (at least attempted to) your alcoholic beverages. And I'm not saying that I believe in what they were doing, and while some things that happened were funny, the lifestyle can actually be pretty sad and pathetic. But I do think that in general, people are good. And I always like to take the chance to see how other people are living, because it lets me compare that with how I'm living, and either see what I want to change, or what I'm grateful I'm doing.

Also, I got to ride the recyc-bike, complete with trailer. And I didn't even fall. 

Another Post Inspired by H.P.

Just when you thought J.K. had thought of everything,

With the fierceness of a dragon, the courage of a lion, the cunning of a snake, and the grass-eating abilities of a goat, this creature is basically unstoppable.

I would love some input on what the name of this is...?

--Shae

I don't know how true this is, but it's just nice to think about...and look at...

--Shae

Little Reminders

     The other day, I went into my art professor's office/studio with my other art class (not the one he teaches). He was taking a break from working on a portrait and answered questions that people had. I hate to admit that I was spacing out, but it was in a good way, I promise. I learned a lot just by looking around the room. There were a couple amazing portraits, half-used bottles of paint, a bulletin board full of pictures from artists that inspired him, etc. Among all this decor, there was one thing that stood out to me. On his whiteboard, in the handwriting of a six-year-old, said the words "Work hard with heart" signed with the name of his daughter. Later that day, he was helping me work on my project and after about 15 minutes of feverishly sketching on my paper, he handed my back my pencil and laughed while he said, "Sorry, it's hard for me to stop once I start."

     His excitement for what he does makes me excited! I want to find something that I can't pull myself away from at the end of the day, something that I can work hard at with heart. I don't think I can settle for anything less now...--Shae

Some Late-Night-Bakery-Run Advice I Received From My Sister

"You need to just kiss people. No one ever looks back and says 'I wish I would have kissed less in my life.'"

Thanks. I will get right on that.

Focus.

I feel like I am always trying to adjust my focus and my outlook on life. That is one reason I love things like conference weekend and spending time with my family, it really helps me to get my mind right. I think it is really important to take a step back and look at what is really important, my long-term goals, the big picture.

However, sometimes the big picture gets a little too big, and it freaks me out.

I was working on some homework in the chemistry building today, and I was eavesdropping on sitting by two guys who are obviously a lot farther along in their schooling than I am, and I did not know what they were talking about. I mean, I could tell it was chemistry, but I wasn't following. And for some reason, this started that terrible spiral of "I have no idea what I'm doing I think I have to change my major I don't think I will ever be able to get a job or  have a life and the world is hard" that sometimes comes in one jumbled string of panic. Thankfully this lasted only a moment until I could step away, not from from my little problems, but from my entire life ahead of me, and see that for today, I got my homework done, and my quiz went fine, and the sun finally started shining. All I can do is take the world one day at a time, and I need to focus on making each day count.

In the words of The National, "Let's not try to figure out everything at once."

I decided I wanted to listen to the song after I quoted it. Now you can too, if you feel so inclined.

So Many Good Lines, I Couldn't Pick Just One

Wisdom From All Ages

I got to go home for the weekend and spend a lot of time with my family. They are all a lot smarter than I used to think they were. First, I came across my ten-year-old sister holding a car air freshener and telling my twelve-year-old brother, "THIS is what a man should smell like." Then I learned from my grandma that you have to go to the tanning beds a couple time for them to really work (I guess she goes there sometimes).
Not only does my grandma have all the tips on how to get that summer glow year-round, she knows stuff about other stuff. Like life. She said to me, "Whenever you're going with a boy, you're going to think they're the one. There are going to be a lot of 'the ones.' But someday, I kid you not, you're going to find the real one. I promise."
Hopefully the real one smells like my air freshener. --Shae

This Is Just A Tribute

Here's to 19 years. Even though I have only known you for approximately one of them. It's been a good one-ish year. And here's to many more.




I picked the most flattering picture I could find.