Random Happenings Of The Last Hour

• Let it be known that all of the contents of this apartment have only been awake for about an hour. We go hard. (with the exception of one of us who had an early final and then came back and went to sleep. She deserved the sleep-in) Let it also be known that the time is 1:30
• Neutral Milk Hotel has reunited and are touring. Their last album came out in 1998. I guess the new thing is for old, amazing bands to tour for their old, amazing albums (Postal Service cough cough) when I'm not available to concert-go. Thanks, guys!
• Out of desperation, I cut part of an old shirt and taped it into the V-neck of the barely-too-low shirt I was wearing. It actually kind of worked. I may be on to something.
• (3:30 update) A tall glass of whole milk and nesquik for breakfast, and a Starbucks vanilla bean frappuchino (my new fave) for lunch does not make for a well-balanced diet, but instead a tummy-ache from dairy and sugar overload. Get some nutrition inside me.

Four Year Olds Who Share Your Love Of Foxes Are The Best

And getting mail from them is even better.

I just want to be a good person.

Over the last while, I've been feeling like I don't really do anything to contribute to the world, and I really really really want to live a life of value. Hopefully I want it enough to act on that desire. One area that I've been trying to work on is to love and appreciate everyone that I know and meet, especially since that will be a trait that would be beneficial on this next phase of life I'm about to embark on. One interesting point that was made to me about love in one of my Sunday school classes came in regards to part of Elder Packer's latest conference talk, which sparked some controversy in local newspapers and my Facebook (as usual). I'm sure you remember it: "Tolerance is a virtue, but, like all virtues, when exaggerated it transforms itself into a vice. We need to be careful of the ‘tolerance trap’ so that we are not swallowed up in it."

When I heard that at first, I was a little like "ahh...uhh..hmmm" and kind of did a little cringe. My Sunday school teacher said that he too had a hard time with reconciling with it, so he tried to make sense of it by drawing a scale. I'll try to recreate it:

-/ -                                         +/-                                             +/+
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He then put excessive tolerance on the far right, and then said (in more and better words than this), "I thought about what would be on the opposite side of the scale, and decided it would be bigotry. If neither of these things are "good," then what would be in the middle, the perfect balance between them? I decided it would be pure, Christlike love. Christ loved everyone regardless of their sins, but neither did he ever condone any sin."
A lot of people probably think that LDS people as a whole fall to the far left of this scale, for reasons that I can see, but I do find it a little funny that a lot of people can probably accept this view of how Jesus Christ the person lived and believed, but cannot transfer that over to other people around them and believe that is what they are aiming for. I guess it's just not a satisfying answer to them or something, I don't know. But I don't think anyone can go wrong if they are just trying to be like Jesus.

I think that many people would agree with me that this is one of the biggest issues regarding our church today, and I'm convinced that it will be one of the hardest things for me to deal with on my mission, how to reconcile tolerance and everything. Maybe you feel the same way (and maybe it won't be as large of an issue where you are going, I don't know.) I'm actually pretty nervous about how I'm going to handle of that. But hopefully it will work out.

This semester has been one where I've had ups and downs regarding unconditionally loving everyone with Christ-like love. The main thing I've found is that almost everyone I know will probably give me at least some small reason to harbor bad feelings towards them at some point. And we are the only ones who determine what wins out, the good feelings or the bad. There is a line and that line is hard to find; you don't want to be a doormat or get hurt or anything, but I really believe that in the long run (and in the short run, really) it's the best for all involved when you choose love. I'm too young to burn, anyhow, and life is too short.

On another note, if you haven't heard the latest Vampire Weekend single, it may or may not be about going on a mission...
Also it's just overall a really kicky song.

Missing Stuff

I miss my crazy family. I miss the times when, even though I had roommate problems, they were with my sister and we could say whatever we wanted and not hate each other afterwards and most likely end up laughing hysterically as we went to sleep. I miss knowing what's going on in all of their lives all the time; I hate hearing about stuff through texts, and looking at pictures on Facebook and thinking, "Do I even know my family?"

I miss high school. No, I would not go back. I just miss walking down the halls of my school and feeling like it was somewhat of an extension of my home, and knowing exactly who I'd run into during every part of the day, and not having to worry about when would be the next time I would have a face-to-face chat with my friends, and being able to leave all my school worries in my locker as soon as the last bell rang, and being able to go to the locker room (or the seminary bathroom) to get ready to play sports with people I never would have met otherwise, and making yearbooks that the whole school would keep for the rest of their lives.

I miss taking long walks at night in my neighborhood, holding hands with the guy I fancied, and saying stupid things that I laughed too hard at and trying to make it home as close to midnight as possible. No, I don't want that exact relationship back, but I miss the feelings it would give my heart.

I miss drawing. I know, I know, it seems like an easy fix. But it's a hard thing to enjoy when you have so many "important" things to be doing. I've never considered myself a true artist, because I can survive long periods away from the canvas, but maybe there are levels of artistry, and I am on the "serious doodler" one.

I miss my old hair. It was short and colorful and fun to do. Now I find myself thinking, "It's just so convenient to not have to worry about grow out and getting trims and doing my hair in general." Even though I look at old pictures and think I look like a little girl with my black and blue bob, I still remember how much I liked straightening/curling/coloring it back then.

I miss the hilarious group of people I worked with over the summer. The were all just so real. And they didn't even care that I was quiet. They'd joke around with me just the same. I hate when people think they can't joke around with me.

I've made some friends recently that I know I'm going to be missing in the very near future. Some of them I know I will see again before I even know what hits me, but some of them are the kind of friends where you have to have an excuse to talk to them, and you both seem to keep making excuses, and it's all good until school's over and the excuses aren't even possible any more.

But I think we're supposed to miss stuff, because everyone seems to do it. Maybe there's a reason for it, and maybe I'll figure it out someday. But for now, I'm just trying to enjoy the present and look forward to the future. Holla.

Just Doin What I Do

And what I do all of the time is share my life's song. I have a lot of songs that remind me of specific people, and people that remind me of a lot of songs, and sometimes, a song that knocks my brain down on it's back because I feel like it perfectly fits my current situation (I'm not sure if the amount of times that this happens can be attributed to how common my life experiences are, or how dramatic I really am, or how similar I am to the artists I like, or just the sheer volume of music I listen to. Maybe a little of all of those)

Anyway, here it is.
All Men Are Freezing (or as I call it, One Man I Know is Freezing But I Still Stupidly Love The Kid):


"For all you've done
I'll miss you anyway
Anywhere you crawl
Through blackest years and human glass
I will miss you
For no good reason

Longer hours I can't get off
I will kiss you in my head
In storm and death threats
Naked air
I will miss you

Dreaming of your eyes
Not your skin
Falling through the holes myriad
Where there's nothing burning
I will make that big turn

I can't see you now to miss you
I can't see you now to kiss you
I am only gone, all and none.

So I know how busy you must be and this will definitely be at the bottom of your priority list, but I just re-watched this episode and it is pure gold (and also clean! I'll be the first to admit that not every episode fits that description) so if you need a break from life and want something hilarious to watch, I would highly recommend this.

The subtle and not-so-subtle jokes just kill me.

http://www.hulu.com/watch/6637

As Kfir Would Say, "I Am So Idiot."

Sometimes you just realize how idiot you are. Why must life be such an internal roller coaster? How can I feel like I've got things figured out one day and then like I know absolutely nothing the next? I'm feeling super Already Dead by Beck inside.

In other news: Sometimes I further realize that I absolutely have to get an A out of all three classes, and I simultaneously realize that is probably not going to happen. Basically I need to devote every minute I have until finals are over to studying.
Why did I only realize this today?
I guess this really isn't other news, but the same I Am So Idiot news.
Well, scholarship, it's been real!

This was nice.

Lyrics of the day provided by The Shins, "Turn On Me"

You can fake it for a while
Bite your tongue and smile
Like every mother does her ugly child
But it starts to leaking out
Like spittle from a cloud
Amassed resentment pelting ounce and pound
Are you entertaining any doubts?
'Cause you had to know that I was fond of you
Fond of Y-O-U
Though I knew you masked your disdain
I can see the change was just too hard for us
Hard for us
You always had to hold the reins
But where I'm headed you just don't know the way
So affections fade away
And do adults just learn to play
The most ridiculous repulsive games?
All our favorite ruddy sons
And their double-barreled guns
You better hurry
Rabbit run run run
'Cause mincing you is fun
And there's a lot of hungry hatters in this world
Set on taking it over
But brittle thorny stems
They break before they bend
And neither one of us is one of them
And the tears will never mend
'Cause you had it in for me so long ago
Boy I still don't know
I don't know why and I don't care
Well, hardly, anymore
If you'd only seen yourself hating me
Hating me
When I'd been so much more than fair
But then you'd have to lay those feelings bare
The one thing I know still got you scared
You're all that cold ire
And never one scared of a dare
You had to know that I was fond of you
Fond of Y-O-U
So I took your licks at the time
A change like that is just so hard to do
Hard to do
Don't let it whip-crack your life
And I'll bow out from the fight
Those old pious sisters were right
The worst part is over
Now get back on that horse and ride.

Suffage Is Sexy

At least it is in this movie, which I just watched and loved:

I kind of feel like saying that defeats some purpose of something about women's rights and whatnot, but hey, they made the movie, not me. Apparently most of the people and the events that occurred in the movie actually lived/happened, it just gave history a bit of a glamorized and modern feel with things like music choice (similar to A Knight's Tale [maybe I only thought that because the blacksmith from that movie is on it]) which I don't think is really a bad thing. It kind of brings history alive for this generation who probably doesn't always think about the fact that women have had the right to vote in this country for LESS THAN ONE HUNDRED YEARS AND THESE WOMEN GAVE THEIR HEARTS AND SOULS AND LIVES FOR FREEDOMS THAT FOR SOME UNEXPLAINABLE REASON WERE BEING DENIED ROUGHLY HALF OF THE POPULATION AND PEOPLE WENT AROUND THINKING THAT WAS OK. 

Needless to say, if you need some girl-power firing up, this movie would be a good one to watch. The cast is stellar, the story is awesome, and history should not be forgotten. Iron Jawed Angels for the win.

In other news, this page is hilarious if you've ever been around children that you just want to donate to someone else.

In other other news, below on "song of the day" my daily theme song, "Too Young To Burn," is especially perfect today. Sometimes you just connect with the words and feel inside like the music, and it's a beautiful relationship. On Sunday I realized that often I don't think about how I feel in terms of emotions, but rather songs (for example, instead of "I feel melancholy but slightly hopeful" I think "I feel like New Slang today." Maybe no one just straight up thinks about their emotional state in so direct of terms anyway. Maybe more people should.) So that's me. Just living life and feeling Too Young To Burn.

I know what I want to do with my life!

Maybe we will even end up working together!

Catching Up

I haven't posted a real post on here in a while... I feel like a failure as a blogger, and as a woman. Not really, but I do want to make a post of all the things I've been wanting to say but just haven't (which may have some typos. Proofreading just doesn't sound fun right now, and I don't feel obligated to do it).

-Earlier this week, I was talking to a girl about the marriage equality issues that have been in the media a lot lately. Obviously, I have been blessed to be around considerate and open people (concerning this issue) for the majority of the last couple months, because I really wanted to just punch her or something while she was talking. No, I will never participate in any homosexual acts (because I don't have that attraction), but to listen to her assume so much about the causes for their "choice" enraged me, and I wish I would've thought of what I could say in the moment instead of after the matter. She said something to the fact that people who blame their same-sex attraction on chemical imbalances are lying because there's no way that can happen, and if they are allowed to get married, then all temple marriages are threatened. Maybe I should look into the research and facts about these reasons, but right now, I just need to be bugged and look it up later. I'm not going to claim to know anything about the feelings that cause a person to come out, or to find themselves attracted to someone of their same sex. I have no idea what that would be like, and I don't think I ever will. I can't imagine the extreme confusion that would come with being told that some types of love aren't right. On the other hand, I know what my faith tells me, and that is something I will not denounce. I know that the Savior understands exactly what these people are going through, because He has felt their sorrows and confusion. I know for a fact that all of His teachings say to love one another, so for now, I'm just going to remember how much I love my Savior, and how he wants me to love everyone, and I think that's about all I need to understand at the moment. My heart goes out to those who are living under such tough circumstances.

-I've been thinking a lot about the mission I'm about to be serving. It's weird because all the years leading up to this experience have kind of been riding on the mission. I've been planning and preparing for the "best eighteen months." Don't get me wrong, I am BEYOND pumped for the opportunity, and I know that missionary work brings miracles to people's lives, but I've recently realized that the mission is not the big picture here. Someday (soon) we'll be home from our missions, and then what? We will hopefully find and make our families, and THEN what?
   I think the biggest reason that out Heavenly Father sends young men and women out on missions as a kind of training for real life. Think about it: it only lasts for a small portion of most people's lives; it's timed to take place before we are really set in our ways; it teaches crucial life skills like communication, integrity, work ethic, and most importantly, how to share God's love. It's easy to serve when you have a name tag on, but by the time you get back home, you should be ready to serve God no matter the circumstances; you should be ready to do it when it's REALLY tough. What a great learning opportunity we've been given!

-I need to stop eating so terribly. Today, I had a Reese's bar for breakfast, and then went all out and had a king-size Hershey's (with almonds) for lunch. Get this candy away from me.

-I am so glad that I've found the major that I need to be in. Every time I go, I'm like, "This is where it's at." The other day, I was talking to this guy about my life (unfortunately for him) and I brought up how I used to be an art major. He asked why I decided not to go into animation. I have to admit that, for a couple days afterward, I was like, "Man, I could have really gotten into that." But then I remembered how much I want to help people who have not lived as pleasant of a life as I have. I really hope that my art will come into play in my future, but I know that becoming a social worker is right for me.

-Sometimes I am in situations where I feel like a cannot be outgoing. I've always been shy, but I'd like to think I've grown out of that for the most part. However, every once in a while, it comes back and I just can't talk and it feels like I'm going to suffocate on the words that won't come out, but somehow I survive only to be crushed with a feeling of awkwardness and disappointment. Okay, so that was over-the-top dramatic, but it's still a problem I need to work on. Life, why you so weird?

-I think that's it. Overall, despite it's hard parts, living this life is the only thing I want to be doing right now. There's so much good going on! So, yeah... I don't know how to cleverly wrap this up. So bye.

Maybe we should make a page devoted to these videos

because I am full of them: Family of Four receives mission calls