Communication, or: How My Life Was Changed By At Least Nine People And One Deity In One Weekend.

Sigh.
Ok Breathe.

This weekend seems like it was one of the longest of my life. This month, the same. So much has been packed into so little time and I have frankly just not been able to handle it all very well. I thought I was doing fine, but I guess that just depends on your own personal definition of "fine." I guess I wasn't quite sure what post-mission adjustment would be like, and it has turned out to be much harder than I anticipated.

While at this moment in time I may not be where I want to be, I can promise with every fiber of my being that where I ended up by the end of this holiday weekend is leaps and bounds ahead of where I was, for one simple reason: people. People can hurt and harm and destroy, but they can also help and heal and lift and for that I am grateful.

I often try so hard to change and develop Christlike attributes in a vacuum, so to speak. I close myself off to people in hopes that maybe if I'm alone I'll be able to become everything I want to be and then I will somehow be able to emerge from my cocoon perfected and happy, and everyone will love me. But it just doesn't work like that. In fact, I think most of those qualities worth working on require our interactions with others. We can't become more compassionate while sitting alone in our room; we can't rid ourselves of selfishness without taking on the problems and worries of others and putting them before our own. And I really need to start doing that. I've been living in my own little world, in a self-absorbed bubble, and it's the hardest thing to try and break out of. I guess I will just take it one day at a time.

It's become a little easier with the examples of the people mentioned in the title of this post. I have and will continue to thank God for these people in my life:

• The one who has been so faithful, so supportive, who lets me ramble on and on and is always on my side.
• The one who not only listens so genuinely to my problems but handles her own with angelic grace.
• The one that I'm trying not to break my heart over, who is trying so hard to do the right things,
• The one who takes me on late night ice cream runs, lets me whine a little, then tells me to get over myself. 
• The far-away one with the world's best advice, who is kind without sugarcoating things, who has gone through exactly what I am, who will always be there.
• The one who knows that sometimes the best advice is "Listen to the Sea Change album by Beck."
• The one who became a surprise answer to prayer I didn't even realize I prayed.
• The one who maybe hasn't been there the longest, but through the most meaningful times of my life, who listens without judgement, who I unashamedly bear my heart and soul to on a regular basis.
• The one who gave me life, who finally told me "You are not okay." and with one short conversation broke down and built back up my outlook on myself and my world, 
• The One who never changes, who I desperately need to hold on to every single moment, who will be there when I slip and fall, who Is All.