It seems whenever I feel like I'm in a good place, when I've got stuff "figured out" and in balance, something happens (internally or externally, or both) and I'm kinda thrown out of whack all over again. I guess this is life. And while part of me wants to be anything but a single lady desperate to change her status, I can't deny that it's a topic that's buzzing around my mind and my world. And at this little down moment in my life there's a lyric from the quintessential Shins song "New Slang" that's been doing some buzzing as well:
"I'm looking in on the good life I might be doomed never to find."
It's a simple phrase. And I'm not so dramatic to think that it's even necessarily true for me. I just want to say that the hardest part of it all, for me, is knowing that it's possible, it's an actual thing that people experience, to have someone (outside of family and friends, not to discount their importance!) who cares enough about them to want to understand them, to know what they like and dislike, to be willing to spend time and energy because they are worth it to them. And frankly I've just never really had that to the extent I know is possible. It might sound selfish, and I'm aware that many many people are lacking in the "good life" department. It just sounds really nice. It looks really nice, from the outside looking in, at least. And I actually think I could be good at doing my part in a healthy, stable relationship, if I ever get the chance to try. I guess there's nothing to do but build my own good life as far as I can control it, and leave the rest to faith and trust.
Easter candy is helping a little as well.
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