I recently reread "Girlfriend Wanted" by Matthew Gray Gubler and was inspired to write my own spinoff version. I mean, what better thing to do at 11 pm when you have got work in the morning? Well, here it is:

WANTED:
One eternally-minded man
Respectful to life of all shapes, sizes, and species
Who eats his vegetables
And prefers outside to in

Must put up with:
Quiet talking
A vocabulary that is 33% sitcom quotes and Shins lyrics
Spontaneous napping
And near-constant singing

Bonus points for:
Kind words
Frequent Hitchcock movie viewing
Front porch sitting
And cuddles at concerts

Looking to be my best me
While you be your best you
And we become our best us

No guarantees that:
My quesadilla consumption will slow down
I won't be judgey of your music
And I will be everything you were hoping for

But
I promise to pray hard every night
And get up every day
Determined to love life
And you
And ice cream sundaes.

-Me

Spring Cleaning...

....and it feels so good!

I don't really love celebrating New Year's at the actual new year. I personally am always just semi-depressed that Christmas and the Holidays are ending, and I never really do anything (this year I didn't even make resolutions, really), and I don't have a ton of motivation to act on the things I do want to change because the world is still dark and cold and it's like in the middle of a season so it doesn't really even feel like anything changed.
I mean, I don't like have a weird thing against it, I'm just trying to get to my point, which is that in my heart, the real New Year starts with Spring.

Springtime is definitely my jam. (OK, Summer is my actual jam but springtime is like where it begins) Warm weather is coming, plants are growing, baby animals are being born, and I feel empowered. And this spring I feel especially so. I feel like things are changing in the best of ways.
Pretty much I am just going to use this space to take inventory of my life and the wonderful blessings I have within it.

• I don't know for sure which of my planned-for two paths my education will go down starting this fall, but I am extremely grateful that the paths exist! Either one will be an exciting new adventure.
• I have been really blessed to have my housing scholarship and to be able to meet many wonderful and less-wonderful but altogether life-changing people, but I'm really excited to get the H out of this place and live with one of my besties. First pre-known roommate of my life!
• I have been unemployed for far too long and I feel like I'm starting at the bottom of the bottom, but the good news is that means every step up is a magical one. And at least I have that first step covered.
• I am excited to spend a little time to "go back to your hometown, get your feet on the ground, and stop floating around" as James Mercer puts it. I know that will be the best environment for me to get ahead in my minimalist lifestyle choices and just kinda recharge before I release myself into the wild again.
• I've been trying to breathe deeply at least three times a day, and preferably outside. You'd be amazed at how good you feel after doing so! Or maybe you wouldn't. I don't know your life. Some yogis believe the quality of your breathing is directly related to your longevity. Good enough for me!
• I've been spring cleaning the habits, choices, and people that drag me down (outtasite, outta mind*, amiright?) Obviously I'm not like perfectly done with this but even just working on it is so deliciously refreshing. I feel like this otter:

May we all be rejuvenated by the Earth's natural time of rebirth, and go through life as this otter, too fabulous to let anything stop us from being us.

*this music video makes me really happy and for some reason reminds me of our music video. I dunno.

post-edit: My friend just sent me this and it was a beautiful thing.

When studying turns to pondering life

Not that life is a bad thing to ponder. Here is my Sunday evening thought on life, structured in a vaguely poetic format :

Life is simply a war between the known and the unknown.

Where we end up depends on our ability to determine which we should let win in each and every battle.

To abandon all known would lead to a loss of self,

to refuse the unknown, a loss of opportunity.

It is balance in this that will give us the freedom to become who we truly are.

I also believe that it's up to us to be present and show up to each battle, because most of the time they will happen whether or not we've picked a winner. And I think it would be the biggest tragedy of all to get to end of all things and realize that we could have taken charge and accomplished wonders at times when we instead became barely even spectators. This is not to say that I believe that we can control every aspect of our lives and that we can always count on things to turn out the way we've designed them to. But I do believe that we are here on this Earth to learn how to make choices and how to make changes, and that we each have an active part to play in our own lives and the lives of others.

Viva la No Regrets is definitely back. Hopefully to stay.

Two birds, one dedication

I'm glad that words and blogs and friends and family and tender mercies exist, so that it's possible for me to get over minor bumps in the road like the last post. Seriously, every time I look back on something like that I'm just like "how was that even that big of a deal?" but when it's in the moment it feels like the biggest of deals. I think you know what I mean. And I don't think feeling feelings is anything to be ashamed of. But this is not really what I came on here to post about. I just wanted to get an introductory update and thank you out of the way.

So life is good. But there are still some things I want to work on (obvs). Two in particular, this week.
As most returned missionaries (I assume), I have not been putting in the amount of effort towards keeping my spirituality strong that I did while I was on a mission. And although I am not the most sedentary person in the world, I still want to become a lot stronger, a lot healthier. So, today marks the beginning of what I hope will be a big positive-changer for me in both of these fields.

Running with conference.

Sorry if you were hoping for something big and life-changing. But actually, this kind of is.
The weather is so nice right now, and somehow the double-motivation of wanting to learn from the words of the prophets and wanting to be physically fit have provided the perfect storm of a successful workout.
For today, at least.
Haha.
But I really think this will work out for me! (no pun intended...really, I tried to get rid of it but couldn't think of another phrase I liked better). I'm starting out small and starting from the bottom, and I couldn't be happier at this chance to see how much I can grow!

I feel like I could high-five a tiger!

New Slang Blues

It seems whenever I feel like I'm in a good place, when I've got stuff "figured out" and in balance, something happens (internally or externally, or both) and I'm kinda thrown out of whack all over again. I guess this is life. And while part of me wants to be anything but a single lady desperate to change her status, I can't deny that it's a topic that's buzzing around my mind and my world. And at this little down moment in my life there's a lyric from the quintessential Shins song "New Slang" that's been doing some buzzing as well:

"I'm looking in on the good life I might be doomed never to find."

It's a simple phrase. And I'm not so dramatic to think that it's even necessarily true for me. I just want to say that the hardest part of it all, for me, is knowing that it's possible, it's an actual thing that people experience, to have someone (outside of family and friends, not to discount their importance!) who cares enough about them to want to understand them, to know what they like and dislike, to be willing to spend time and energy because they are worth it to them. And frankly I've just never really had that to the extent I know is possible. It might sound selfish, and I'm aware that many many people are lacking in the "good life" department. It just sounds really nice. It looks really nice, from the outside looking in, at least. And I actually think I could be good at doing my part in a healthy, stable relationship, if I ever get the chance to try. I guess there's nothing to do but build my own good life as far as I can control it, and leave the rest to faith and trust.
Easter candy is helping a little as well.