I Don't Make Sense Even To Me

So one thing I've come to find about me is that I get bugged by things that I really shouldn't even care about. Most of my pet peeves are not really that pet-peevey; like my sister says, "Why are you getting so mad about this right now?" I feel like this is a good place to get some of these things off my chest.
1) Those students (I feel like there's one in every class) who like to comment on everything. Usually, they end up talking more than the teacher does. My personal favorite is the ones who make it sound like they're asking a question, but really they're just stating their opinion while going into a higher tone at the end.
2) When people stand behind me and watch me work on art
3) When people ask me questions in the morning
4) When people make loud yawning noises in the morning
5) Mornings in general
6) When I'm at something quite serious (like a screening for a documentary about men who have survived abuse) and someone I'm with comments on the hotness of a guy involved in the program.
7) My hair

I feel like that was all kind of a downer, so I would like to negate those feelings with a list of things that make me happy, so that overall you get a neutral feeling about this post. I also don't really know why these things bring me joy, it just happens.
1) When I see a lady bug for the first time since summer
2) Daniel Radcliffe's laugh

3) Being the oldest child

4) Looking at wedding dresses (this one confuses me a lot, seeing how I don't really want to ever look for one for myself... I don't think)

5) When guys get good haircuts

6) NEW SOCKS.

Roller Coaster

Most days are what I guess you could call roller coaster rides. Lots of ups and downs, and waiting, exciting and tiring, kind of sickening sometimes, and hopefully surrounded by people you want to be riding with. Today was no exception.

Ups:

1. I got a job. That's what's up. (well, I'm about 98% I got one. But i'm counting it.)
2. I donated blood. Why is that something I like doing? I guess one reason is because I like to help people, but I actually kind of like the whole process. Weird.
3. I cleaned out my fish's bowl without killing him. This may seem like something that should be a given, but I have been traumatized before by accidental fish deaths.
4. The day had an overall good vibe to it.
5. I did not get lost going to the lab I will work at. I once spent about an hour looking for (it really doesn't help when they have to keep their location unmarked and on the DL) but this time I was a champ.

Downs:

1. I totally spaced my chem lab lecture in which we were taking a quiz. I really hate to use the "drop the lowest quiz score" on my very first one. Worst.
2. My chemistry discussion not only made things more confusing for my test which is on Friday, but succeeded in highlighting my obvious lack of calculus (and possibly basic algebra) skills. Awesome. (side note: what are the chances that one of my readings for humor class found it necessary to incorporate calculus shorthand in their research? Apparently high enough to happen to me.)
3. I realized I will probably be stressed every single day until the end of the semester. Which I guess is also called "life."
4. I look like a poodle.
5. Oh wait, that is just how I always look.
6. Making this list made me realize that the day was mostly up and I'm feeling pretty good about life. Transfer this item to first list.

Unrelated: You know how you have those songs that you've heard but then all of the sudden you really listen, and you realize you love it? That is this song today. Enjoy if you want. I've probably listened to it enough times for a few people if not. For some reason 1:20 to 1:35 is just really doin it for me today.

Words From Songs That Would Be Nice To Hear

"Two can be complete without the rest of the world" -the Strokes

"I'm glad I didn't die before I met you" -Bright Eyes

"Maybe this time it's different, I mean I really think you like me" -Bright Eyes, again.

"I always thought I would end up with you eventually" -The Kooks

"You're the nicest thing I've seen" -Kate Nash

The entirety of "Til Kingdom Come" -Coldplay

"I want to take you far from the cynics in this town and kiss you on the mouth"- The Postal Service

"I think that possibly maybe I'm falling for you" - Landon Pigg

"I am yours now, so now I don't ever have to leave" -the Xx

"Please know that I'm yours to keep, my beautiful girl" - The City and Colour

"The sun is up, the sky is blue, it's beautiful, and so are you" -The Beatles

"I want to make you happy" -The Kooks

"I want to hold your hand" -The Beatles

"I'll be true, I'll be useful, I'll be cavalier, I'll be yours, my dear." -Dashboard Confessional

"I think that dress looks nice on you"-Sufjan Stevens
"I miss you." -Coconut Records

And of course my all time favorite love song, "First Day of My Life"-Bright Eyes

Just like, you know, whenever.

P.S. Jack White is going solo. In the words of his new single, "I won't let love disrupt, corrupt or interrupt me anymore." Maybe not a great life motto, but I may have found a new favorite break-up song, I'll save it up for when I need it. I've actually got a pretty good list going.

Gender Blender

Today, I woke up four minutes before I needed to leave for class. I decided to put a hat on it and headed out the door. While walking, I suddenly realized that to those who saw me in baggy sweats with a hood and hat on, my appearance might be very similar to that of a guy's. I hurried and made it all the way through class without anyone calling me "sir." As I was exiting the building, I heard a voice from right behind me say, "Hey Jake! What's up?" I honestly stopped and the thought raced through my mind, "He's talking to you. He thinks you are a boy named Jake." Luckily before I did anything terribly embarrassing, the real Jake responded and I just kept walking (in the most womanly way I could manage).

They Really Need To Invent An Emoticon For Sarcasm

And there are some people who need it for their everyday lives.

A Life Worth Living

Friends are a big part of my life, something I think most people in the world could say. I've been thinking about this a lot. There are a few people in my life that I know I couldn't go do much without (and if you're wondering if this applies to you, Nicole, wonder no more; the answer is yes). Today, I heard this hymn and I decided I want to live a life worthy to have it sung at my funeral (I hope it's not creepy that I've thought about this). 

Each life that touches ours for good
Reflects thine own great mercy, Lord;
Thou sendest blessings from above
Thru words and deeds of those who love.

What greater gift dost thou bestow,
What greater goodness can we know
Than Christlike friends, whose gentle ways
Strengthen our faith, enrich our days.
When such a friend from us departs,
We hold forever in our hearts
A sweet and hallowed memory,
Bringing us nearer, Lord, to thee.
For worthy friends whose lives proclaim
Devotion to the Savior’s name,
Who bless our days with peace and love,
We praise thy goodness, Lord, above.

It really doesn't matter how successful I become at anything else if I don't reach this--well, I don't know if you would call a funeral a goal, but ;( you get it, right?

Sometimes...

...all you can do is nothing but let the comforting sounds of Bon Iver fill your heart and soul. These songs in particular were playing through my head today before I started my Bon Iver binge. If you like them, I would recommend absolutely anything else of Justin Vernon's that you can find. If you don't, well, maybe our hearts just sound different, because this is sure as cuss what mine sounds like.

Someday, somehow, I will find the piano music for this exact version of the above song (it is actually a cover).

Luckily church today was exactly what I needed, and not just because I sat next to my favorite back-scratcher. I just felt peaceful, albeit a little melancholy (I hope you read that like Megamind). And I am so thankful for my ward friends, and really my ward family as a whole, because even though I don't know them all, and maybe wouldn't necessarily be really great friends with them all in everyday life, and there are many that are kind of the stereotypical "cheesy Mormon," (I may be a jerk for thinking that) I just really feel...safe around them. That may not make sense, or be exactly the point I was trying to make, but I'm sure you can relate.

The best part about a college ward, in my opinion, is the insights you get from people who are going through the same things you are. This one kid in particular made a comment that struck me; I can't really quote him exactly, so I'll just mix together my interpretation of what he said and my own thoughts. Basically we were talking about Lehi's family leaving everything behind to go on their long and complicated journey. The guy in my ward said that it must have been really hard for everyone, but probably even more so for the people who had a harder time seeing the big picture, that instead were focusing on all of the things they were leaving behind. Sometimes we need to try and look past what isn't essential in our lives. We are kind of beat over the head with this sort of thing all of the time, and most likely this won't make the impression on anyone else that it did to me, but I need to write it down so I can try and remember it.

He said one phrase in particular that I remember, along the lines of "Every day there are going to be things that we have to leave behind so we can make our journey towards what's most important, even if they aren't necessarily bad things." I just got this vivid mental picture of myself kind of removed from everything around me and making an actual journey (possibly loosely based on Lord of the Rings, that's just who I am). But I felt very at peace with this removal, and also felt assurance that I can leave behind things that may slow me on my journey to do the things I really need to do, even if I'm not entirely sure what that encompasses. It sounds kind of lonely, and felt a little lonely (you know, it really felt like the music of Bon Iver feels, somehow both comforting and solitary at the same time, which is probably why I felt like I needed to listen to it). And it was something that was almost more like a dream or feeling than actual coherent thoughts, which is probably why I'm struggling to express it here. I guess the best I can say is that I learned something today, about life and myself and my situation.

I really wish that when I learned something that somehow everyone could know it the way I do. But it just doesn't work that way. You can never learn something for someone else. Everything you believe in life you must at some point decide that you believe, or it won't last. And I'm learning that now. I just hope that I, and the people I care about, end up believing the right things.

Random/Related Thoughts

Life is just one big learning experience. It's kinda scary. But I do feel like I've figured a few things out for myself personally (redundant repetition. [<--irony]).

I've decided to put some of these in list form:

• Country music isn't really that bad.
• It's best to just completely avoid some things,  like reading comments on Youtube videos or watching Jersey Shore.
• The only way to get over heartache is to find something to replace the feeling with.
• Blogging is one of the best things invented.
• Ice cream just isn't something you get tired of.
• The best kinds of friends are the ones that understand you're excited about something in a text even if you don't excessively use smiley faces and exclamation marks.
• Dental hygiene is something that I value.
• My family is the best/strangest/most annoying/most beautiful thing I could ever ask for.
• Frequent and spontaneous dance parties are a must.
• I don't think I could ever be with a man who Facebooks more than I do...
• This picture will make me laugh at any time under any circumstances.

These might seem dumb, but they are important to me. I like that I can tell I'm figuring stuff out about myself. It looks like that cliché about "finding yourself" isn't as crazy as I once thought it was. (Add that to the list.)

A Bad Hair Day

I wasn't sure if this was real until I read this. I'm still not sold on the idea, but it sounds reasonable. However, it's not the blondes I'm worried about; after we watched this in class today, one lady (she's probably in her 50s) started talking about how she was a bottled blonde because she has "some redheads in her family...unfortunately." (In case it wasn't clear by the quotes, she actually said that. Out loud.) I wasn't really sure what she meant by that, and I don't think anyone else in the class was either. 

Enough is Enough

"Recently I overheard a Father and daughter in their last moments together at the airport. They had announced the departure.

Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the Father said, 'I love you, and I wish you enough.'

The daughter replied, 'Dad, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Dad.' They kissed and the daughter left. The Father walked over to the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see he wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on his privacy, but he welcomed me in by asking, 'Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?'

'Yes, I have,' I replied. 'Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?'..

'I am old, and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is - the next trip back will be for my funeral,' he said.

'When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, 'I wish you enough.' May I ask what that means?'

He began to smile. 'That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone...' He paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail, and he smiled even more. 'When we said, 'I wish you enough,' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them.' Then turning toward me, he shared the following as if he were reciting it from memory.

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.

I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.

He then began to cry and walked away.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them; but then an entire life to forget them."

I Am A Daddy's Girl

It's official. I was never fond of the term for some reason, but after talking with friends the other day I realized that's what I am. He is probably the family member I miss the most here at school (aside from miss addie and the duke, and dez, but those are a given.) I think he likes me too. One sister told me once that I am his favorite (probably not true, but still nice to hear). Things just keep reminding me of him, so I decided to make a list of these things.

• Any song by Elton John. We always listen to Elton John, its probably the only music that we both "rock out to." There have been Elton John songs for every occasion. When he brought me down to school one that came up was "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road" which features such lyrics as "Should have stayed on the farm, should have listened to my old man" and "You know you can't hold me forever" Very appropriate.
  
• Any old movie. Any classic movie, really. We spend a lot of time watching and talking about these, probably why I have such an affinity for them.
• Sporting events. I go to as many of these as I can here on campus, and he texts me things like "Go Utes" when he knows there's a game on.
• Atticus Finch.
• Andy Griffith
• Chocolate. He loves chocolate. I love chocolate.
• Pepperidge farm products. He supplies these to me in bulk, and I down them. In bulk.
• Cows.
• Reasonable, smart people who know what they are talking about. He is one of these.
• This necklace I usually wear, a crown that says "Your Happily Ever After." It is technically from the whole stake presidency, but he physically gave it to me so I just count it as a gift from him. Also my CTR ring.
• Riding public transportation by myself. He told me not to. Sometimes I do. Oops.

There are more things, but these are the ones immediately on my mind. And I have stuff to do. I just love the guy.

Something that apparently reminded my sister of me (she sent it to me): this video. It's really weird. You can watch it if you want to.

If I Said What I Was Thinking, No One Would Like Me

You know what's been happening to me a lot lately? ...I will tell you.

     Sometimes I think a thought to myself, then seconds later, I think, "Whoa whoa whoa, are you even listening to yourself?" Here are some recent examples:

"Oh, it's fine! You just have an overactive conscience."

"Well, that only bugs me when I'm not the one doing it."

"She would be a really good candidate for What Not to Wear."

"Since I only had one piece of pizza, I can totally have ice cream and a cookie."

"He's too weird to talk to."

"Maybe there's still a chance that I can go to Hogwarts!"

"Checking Facebook is my number one priority right now."

     Yes, I know some of these might be a little offensive, but there are many more that I will not share and that make me glad that no one can read my mind. Hopefully by putting this on the internet, I will be more inclined to change my ways.

And So It Goes

This semester has been going great so far. I love my classes, my professors, the amount of ice cream I've eaten, all the extra fun stuff I've been able to do with my college friends and family. But there was inevitably going to come a time where the "honeymoon phase" of the semester ended, and that time has just come. I think one thing I use to judge how my life is going is by how I feel when I'm going to bed. Tonight I just feel sick to my stomach and wholly unsatisfied. I guess I will be figuring out what I need to change to get back on track and away from

this wall that I've just hit.

Coming To Terms With Winter

I can deal with this:

Until it turns to this:

Stay beautiful, snow. I'm too shallow for you unless you keep up the stunning sunshine as well.

Unemployment

Love These Guys

"Be kind to all of your neighbors, cause they're just like you

And you're nothing special unless they are too."

-Typhoon, "The Honest Truth"

So I decided to add a segment to this post which I will call "Things That Made Me Happy Today." This may become a regular fixture since a lot of simple things make me happy every day. But today, it was Zumba. I'm glad I have a designated time where I can let go of all reservations and shake it like I'm not the awkward white girl that I actually am. It's unfortunate that my dance skills are somewhat equivalent to this:

(We love you, Bill)

But at this point I really don't care.

ups & downs

There's this phenomenon that I've been experiencing for the last little while. Here's how it goes:

• I see a picture of someone that I have been really close to.
• I think of funny things that they've said or that have happened while we've been together.
• I remember that we haven't talked in a while.
• I think, "Do I even know you any more?"
• I feel like there are so many things about them (especially physically) that I've never noticed before. 

I really hate this and it keeps happening. It's probably top ten on my list of feelings that I don't like feeling. How can it be that at one point someone can be such a big part of your life and then, just not?

...I'll figure it out.

On a more optimistic note, I saw this once without even planning on it.

It came at a time when I really needed be reminded that there's so much more to life than just me. How can it be that at one point I can think I have everything figured out and then, I can politely be humbled (but end up completely content with said humbleness)?

...I'll figure it out.

Be Warned: This Post Will Be Long

Evolution and Religion.

Although I probably always knew that this issue would come up, I don't think I was ready for how hard it would hit me with confusion. Some of my classes go pretty intensely into the topic of evolution, and I didn't really consider that this would cause any problems for me; I have learned about it before, and I know that the concept is real. I also know the Bible was not meant to be a science textbook. I just think that I assumed that I would easily be able to reconcile the two, but so far I feel like I've had to just look at the two separately, and that is not what I want to do. Reading about some evolutionary theories, I found this song from Inherit the Wind (an excellent movie if you are into that sort of thing) playing in my head:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mo8I-UnRnao

But I don't think that is a sign that I'm going to have to choose one or the other; if anything, maybe its the opposite. I know it's got to be possible to reconcile them. After all, there are plenty of people who both share my beliefs and study science. Actually, I think I have a book by Henry B. Eyring at my house titled The Faith of a Scientist that I will definitely be checking out when I go home. It would also be really helpful if maybe there was an Institute class about "Religion and Science" or something, because I can't be the only one having these kinds of thoughts. I'll work on it.

There's something else that is similar that I've been having some problems with. I really love the gospel, the plain and simple truths and especially anything having to do with Christ. There are sometimes just little things that make me uncomfortable. Such as today, when we were talking about Christopher Columbus and the Founding Fathers, and their roles in the coming forth of the gospel. It's not that I don't believe that God has had his hand in everything that has happened throughout history, and I do think that the story of America is a great one, it's just that it is a great one that has been built upon the slaughter of millions and the back of slavery to, at least initially, favor white landowning males. During this discussion I couldn't help but think about this passage from one of my favorite books, God Bless You, Dr. Kevorkian (in it, the narrator is talking to John Brown. Also it is fictional, if you didn't know.):

"I congratulated him on what he'd said on his way to be hanged before a gleeful, jeering throng of white folks. I quote, 'This is a beautiful country.' In only five words, he had somehow encapsulated the full horror of the most hideous legal atrocities committed by a civilized nation until the Holocaust.

'Slavery was legal under American law,' he said. 'The Holocaust was legal under German law,' he said.

John Brown is a Connecticut Yankee, born in Torrington. He said there was a Virginian, Thomas Jefferson, who had actually encapsulated God in only six words: 'All men are created equal.'

Brown was twenty when Jefferson died. 'This perfect gentleman, sophisticated, scientific, wise,' John Brown went on, 'was able to write those incomparable sacred words while owning slaves. Tell me: Am I really the only person to realize that he, by his example, made our beautiful country an evil society from the very first, where subservience of persons of color to white people was deemed in perfect harmony with natural law?'

'I want to get this straight,' I said. 'Are you saying that Thomas Jefferson, possibly our country's most beloved founding father, after George Washington, was an evil man?'

'Let that, while my body lies a-moulderin' in the grave,' said John Brown, 'be my truth which goes marchin' on.' "

Now I am not saying that I think Thomas Jefferson is "evil," and I don't hate America. America is great. I'm also not expecting that everything will be easy in the path of the Restoration of the Gospel. And I further know that I only know pretty much the basics of history and that there are almost infinite layers of story. I guess the real issue is that I don't really like when people equate what happens to others, and especially groups of people, to things that happen in the scriptures. I also realize this is kind of contradicting what I said above, where I said I want to bring my secular life together with my religion so they are one, as I think they should be. So really, I guess the bottom line is that I'm uncomfortable with attributing my religion, as much as I believe it to be truth, to other people. I find it to be a very personal thing, and for some reason I just don't get a good feeling when I hear people say things about God's reactions to things people have done or something like that, regardless of whether or not it may be true. I guess I just believe that things between God and a person should be between them, and I don't like when other people get involved in that.

I should probably just not worry about it and focus on my own life and figuring out exactly what I know and believe.

Well. Glad I got that out. In other news, I'm really diggin' this "no homework on Sundays" thing I'm doing, because it leaves me plenty of time for things like three-hour naps and listening to the entirety of Les Miserables. Hopefully I can stay up on things enough to keep it going.

Dancing In The Sun

the (initially) wrong venue

a hurried illegal parking job

barely making the show

two of most hilarious films I've ever seen

plenty of quirk

less unnecessary artsy-ness than expected

a disappointing Swedish film

only two (clearly visible) naked men

an adorably strange little boy

a balloon army escape

my Inuit twin:

less language than expected

one very sad war crime story

a very funny surrounding crowd

some sort of famous people

a few confusing endings

a lot of laughter

some super cool really chill directors and filmmakers

leaving with a great feeling

a ticket/tow/boot-free getaway

the love of a great short film.

http://screen.yahoo.com/the-arm-27876464.html

This one was awesome. Also, "92 Skybox Alonso Mourning Card," but just to warn you it has a lot of swears.

Everyone Needs Mercy

"When I first read that a mother in Georgia allowed her 10-year-old son to get a tattoo, I thought, WTF. A tattoo, people! On a 10-year-old! Then I discovered that the tattoo is actually in memory of the boy’s older brother, Malik, who was hit and killed by a teenage driver at age 12.

The 10-year-old, Gaquan, was with his brother when he died. That was a couple of years ago now, but he recently told his mom, Chuntera Napier, that he wanted to get a tattoo as a way of honoring Malik’s memory. (Gaguan has several tattoos of her own in her late son’s memory.)

“My son came to me and said, ‘Mom, I want to get a tattoo with Malik on it, rest in peace.’ What do I say to a child that wants to remember his brother?” Napier said.

She claims she didn’t know it was illegal for a 10-year-old to get a tattoo, and so she took her son to a tattoo artist, who gave the boy a tattoo featuring Malik’s old jersey number. As Napier explained, “It made me feel good to know that he wanted his brother on him.”

Gaquan then returned to school, where someone noticed his new ink and called authorities. Napier is now facing child cruelty charges. (It’s illegal for anyone under 18 to get a tattoo, even with their parent’s consent.)

“We hope that they can find something that can sustain them through that loss, but this is not the way. It is illegal and it’s something that we were bound by the law to investigate and to prosecute,” said Acworth police chief Mike Wilkie. (They’re also investigating the tattoo artist.)

I don’t think there’s ever justification for permanently inking a child, though my heart just breaks for this family who suffered such a tragic loss. Napier is set to appear in court in March"
--Shawna Cohen

EDIT: (Here  it is in video form)

Sometimes Six Words Are Really All You Need

A lot of people I know have told me they don't really like Oprah. I hate that I just kinda took on their opinions. As I've paid a little more attention to her, I like some of the stuff she says. Your last post reminded of this article  that I read the other day. It captures people writing a memoir in six words. Here are some of my favorites:

"FAT. thin. FAT. thin. FAT. thin." --Julia Chambers, 33

"I have time to fix this." --Taneika Head, 26

"Still fit into high school earrings." --Kimberly Kilroy, 53

"Old too soon. Smart too late." --Ibis Kramer, 70

"I live my best life NOW." --Terrie Ten Eyck, 56

"Recipe for failure. Changed my ingredients." --Antonee Boykin, 30

"Every problem has a creative solution." --Donna Karan, 63, fashion designer

"Former doc now wears art smock." --Amy Harrison, 35

"I raised a United States Marine." --Rosane Carey, 55

"Might as well eat that cookie." --Paula Deen, 65, chef

And there are more. In trying to find pictures of these, I discovered that it's actually a  thing  that's been around for quite a while (just when I was trying to make Oprah look good, I find out it was someone else's idea...)

"My idea of success? Creating joy." --Shae Bennett, 19

Carpe Diem!

Today I used a hairdryer for the first time at least since school started in the fall, and probably a lot longer. My hair did not thank me for it.

However, the weather is perfect today, and I am intoxicated with life. I feel just like a certain fictional accounting professor.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some day to go seize.

EDIT: In the midst of my day-seizing, I finally cemented in my mind something that I have probably known for a while, but that I'm glad is finally exposed for me to think about. My biggest problem, in all aspects of life, is a fear of failure. Whether I knew it or not, a lot of problems I've had or even opportunities I've missed have been because I don't want to fail and I'm more comfortable (but not necessarily more happy) just shrinking.

Hopefully I can take this realization and run with it. Bravely. Like Taylor Swift dressed as the Cowardly Lion (at the end of the movie) holding scissors. Because that was the most fearless thing I could think of.

Remembrances of Other People I Like To Think I Can Relate To

Sometimes a day will go by where I do things, and all the while I think, "I really wish I had gotten more ready today." And then I don't like that I think that. I should be able to be the same person no matter what level of effort I put into looking as "ready" as possible. But in reality, that's hard for me. And I think its a pretty universal thing to think like this.

I love Tina Fey, and her book Bossypants is one that I would recommend to, well, mostly to girls, but I think anyone who likes Tina Fey humor would like it. And I'm glad that someone probably broke copyright laws and posted this one part online, because it's one of my favorites, and I have just been thinking about it. Also it (kind of) related:

Remembrances of Being Very Very Skinny

For a brief time at the turn of the century, I was very skinny. This is what I remember about that period.

• I was cold all the time.

• I had a pair of size-four corduroy short shorts. That I wore. To work. In the middle of Manhattan.

• I loved it when people told me I was getting too thin.

• I once took a bag of sliced red peppers to the beach as a snack.

• I regularly ate health food cookies so disgusting that when I enthusiastically gave one to Rachel Dratch she drew a picture of a rabbit and broke the cookie into a trail of tiny pieces coming out of the rabbit’s butt.

• Men I had met before suddenly paid attention to me … and I hated them for it.

• Sometimes I had to sleep with a pillow between my legs because my bony knees clanking together kept me awake.

• I had a lot of time on my hands because I wasn’t constantly eating.

• I ran three miles a day on a treadmill six days a week.

• I felt wonderfully superior to everyone.

• I didn’t have a kid yet.

We should leave people alone about their weight. Being skinny for a while (provided you actually eat food and don’t take pills or smoke to get there) is a perfectly fine pastime. Everyone should try it once, like a super-short haircut or dating a white guy.

Remembrances of Being a Little Bit Fat

For a brief time at the end of that last century I was overweight. This is what I remember about that period.

• My boobs were bigger.

• I once left a restaurant in the middle of dessert to get to Krispy Kreme before it closed.

• Even though I only liked McDonald’s fries, I believed it was more nutritious to make a meal of it and have two cheeseburgers as well.

• If I was really ambitious, I would get a Whopper Jr at Burger King and then walk to McDonald’s to get the fries. The shake could be from anywhere.

• I could not run a mile.

• I wore oversize men’s overalls that I loved.

• Guys who were friends did not want to date me … and I hated them for it.

• On at least three occasions, I vomited on Christmas Eve from mixing chocolate, peel-and-eat shrimp, summer sausage and cheese. No alcohol was involved.

• As a size 12, I took pride that I was “real woman”-sized. “Size 12 is the national average,” I would boast, “no matter what magazines try to tell you.”

• Once, while ironing in my underwear, I grazed my protruding belly with the hot iron.

We should leave people alone about their weight. Being chubby for a while (provided you don’t give yourself diabetes) is a natural phase of life and nothing to be ashamed of. Like puberty or slowly turning into a Republican.

Out Of Body Experience

Have you ever just looked in the mirror and thought, "Who am I?" 

Yes, I know this sounds like a very dramatic cliche, but I think I know what the person who first said it was feeling. It's like, what do people think when they see me or hear me talk? Do they think I'm weird or do they agree with what I'm saying? Also, can they tell what I really mean when I say things, or can they figure out what things I don't like? Can they tell that I'm a push-over just from one time talking to me? I know it's probably different for every person in my life. I don't think I really worry about this more than I should, but today I just thought about it more than I ever have before, or maybe I'm just weird. Probably a combination of all of these things. Oy.

Weird Fears

Have you ever had a weird fear about how people could potentially act, and then all of the sudden you realize you fear it because it's how YOU might potentially act?

That may have not made sense.

Good thing realizations like these mean you can change.

"Life is very short...

...and there's no time for fussing and fighting, my friend." 

On more than one occasion, I've vowed to make this my life motto. What keeps happening to that?

--Shae

I Think MLK Would Have Agreed With This Statement

"I am somehow less interested in the weight and convolutions of Einstein's brain than in the near certainty that people of equal talent have lived and died in cotton fields and sweatshops."

-Stephen Jay Gould

"Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly."

     I don't know if I will ever really be able to know exactly what other people have gone through, but I do know that I have felt heartache and despair. This seems to be something that can unite everyone who has lived, who does live, and who will live. However, I do believe that every single person also has reason to hope, hope that everything will work out and hope that we never have to be alone. In my experience, hope is powerful enough to triumph over any dark day if we give it a chance. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was definitely someone who (I feel I can say) believed the same. I honestly can't understand how anyone could have felt he was inferior to them in any way. The following is quoted from his Letter From a Birmingham Jail, which I strongly suggest you read the entirety of (if you haven't already) when you get the chance.
     'We know through painful experience that freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed. Frankly, I have yet to engage in a direct action campaign that was "well timed" in the view of those who have not suffered unduly from the disease of segregation. For years now I have heard the word "Wait!" It rings in the ear of every Negro with piercing familiarity. This "Wait" has almost always meant "Never." We must come to see, with one of our distinguished jurists, that "justice too long delayed is justice denied." We have waited for more than 340 years for our constitutional and God given rights. The nations of Asia and Africa are moving with jetlike speed toward gaining political independence, but we still creep at horse and buggy pace toward gaining a cup of coffee at a lunch counter. Perhaps it is easy for those who have never felt the stinging darts of segregation to say, "Wait." But when you have seen vicious mobs lynch your mothers and fathers at will and drown your sisters and brothers at whim; when you have seen hate filled policemen curse, kick and even kill your black brothers and sisters; when you see the vast majority of your twenty million Negro brothers smothering in an airtight cage of poverty in the midst of an affluent society; when you suddenly find your tongue twisted and your speech stammering as you seek to explain to your six year old daughter why she can't go to the public amusement park that has just been advertised on television, and see tears welling up in her eyes when she is told that Funtown is closed to colored children, and see ominous clouds of inferiority beginning to form in her little mental sky, and see her beginning to distort her personality by developing an unconscious bitterness toward white people; when you have to concoct an answer for a five year old son who is asking: "Daddy, why do white people treat colored people so mean?"; when you take a cross county drive and find it necessary to sleep night after night in the uncomfortable corners of your automobile because no motel will accept you; when you are humiliated day in and day out by nagging signs reading "white" and "colored"; when your first name becomes "nigger," your middle name becomes "boy" (however old you are) and your last name becomes "John," and your wife and mother are never given the respected title "Mrs."; when you are harried by day and haunted by night by the fact that you are a Negro, living constantly at tiptoe stance, never quite knowing what to expect next, and are plagued with inner fears and outer resentments; when you are forever fighting a degenerating sense of "nobodiness"--then you will understand why we find it difficult to wait. There comes a time when the cup of endurance runs over, and men are no longer willing to be plunged into the abyss of despair. I hope, sirs, you can understand our legitimate and unavoidable impatience.'

Probably Not Where That Conversation Was Originally Heading

I just spent some time with a married couple, probably in their late thirties or early forties, that are both in school. The only way I can think to describe them is that they just made me think of these people:

They were funny. And for some reason even though I was with them for such a short time, I felt like they are just totally meant to be together forever. Anyway, I was talking to them and they asked where I was from, so I told them, and they said (I say they because they would talk together like a line at a time each) "Oh, so you are born and bred here. Oh, that was redundant. I meant born and raised. Born and bred, ha. Maybe bred and born would make sense. You're not doing the breeding yet though, are ya? Oh, don't embarrass her. "

I think I just said, "er..nope."

I Remember Why I Love School

There is a virtually endless amount of interesting things to learn. I hope I can take it all in.

Also, this is a really cool story, I had never heard it before. If only everyone could truly express themselves the way they deserve to be heard.

I'm Only Happy In The Sun

And I would like to thank this guy:

for understanding. Not that I'm not happy right now, don't get me wrong. It really has been a pretty mild winter, and there has actually been a relatively large amount of sunlight so far, all of which I'm extremely grateful for. I'm just afraid the combination of months more of winter and an ever increasing homework load just might cut down on the amount of actual sunlight I will get to see for a majority of this semester, and I hope that I will be able to handle that. I have a theory that I am partially cold-blooded and, like a lizard (on a windowpane?) I need to get my energy from the sun. Sometimes I allow myself to daydream for a second about heat and sunshine and minimal clothing and beach hair and smelling like salt and hot and sand, but that seems so far removed from where I'm at now. If I knew that this picture I had in my head of a sunshiny paradise was what I was getting at the end of all of this, it might just be enough to get through the dark days of winter. At least I can plan on the sunny and hot part (I hope). But for now, the remnants of my swimsuit tan that are somehow sticking around will have to be enough to keep alive the dream that summer is out there, and it will come.

Since this song was playing in my head and then came up on my iPod, it is practically destiny that I share it with you.

What Else Are You Supposed To Do?

"I couldn't find the quote, so I'm quoting myself."

--My institute teacher, Brother Patty

"Thank you, Advil, for being like M&Ms that went to medical school."

I would like to take some time for some Jimmy Fallon-esque thank you's of my own. (If you feel like it, you could even play this while listening to complete the effect)...

Thank you, guy who accidentally made eye contact with me while conjuring up a disgusting-sounding loogie, for holding it in until after you passed me on the sidewalk.

Thank you, all of the people who take advantage of the fact that Facebook now has spellcheck--oh wait...

Thank you, mother accompanying her daughter on a tour of my campus, for reminding her in a voice that could be heard across the street to stop texting while walking, at the exact moment that I was about to do the same thing. Like you said, I could've gotten hurt.

Thank you to the numerous people who held the door open for me today even though I was at that "too-far-for-this-not-to-be-awkward-but-too-close-to-let-the-door-close" distance from you.

Thank you, capital I's, for having two possible looks and playing with my OCD when I'm not consistent.

Thank you, kid talking to his teacher, for letting me overhear that you are taking a course on natural disasters at my school. I will probably take that sometime, just to be prepared.

Thank you, senior trip, for providing me with a nice memory of a beach to imagine during this relaxation exercise instead of focusing on how the video is most likely narrated by Old Gregg.

Thank you, shower head at my dorm, for busting off mid-shower, allowing the full pressure of the pipe to give me a nice neck massage.

Thank you, to my new professors; one of you for letting me know that you like you ask students to get out their iClickers because it makes you feel like a professor at Hogwarts saying,"Wands at the ready," and the other one for accidentally mixing up the word "hermit" with another word, resulting in you telling us that we should take your class if we don't want to end up hobbits.

Thank you, you, for taking the time to read this post.

God Bless You, Dr. Kevorkian

"Freud said he didn't know what women wanted. I know what women want. They want a whole lot of people to talk to. What do they want to talk about? They want to talk about everything. What do men want? They want a lot of pals, and they wish people wouldn't get so mad at them."

-Kurt Vonnegut

Reblogged Should Be Added to the Dictionary

I wish I could find a better way to get you to this link :/ but if you scroll down to the post "11 Most Liked/Reblogged Famous Faces of 2011" you will see some funny faces in funny roles (not that their faces are funny, it's just funny to see them in these situations).

You Need To Read This

This book. Right here. It has always been one of my mom's favorites, and I've been reading it over the break. It is definitely a book I would recommend to everyone, but especially to someone who is considering a career of truly helping and possibly counseling others, since the author counsels people with terminal illness and it is basically a collection of her experiences. Maybe it's at the library, maybe I will give it to you as a Martin Luther King day present or something, but I just think its something you would really connect with. And it is in really short segments so you can just read a page or two at a time, which I think is nice.

Speaking of connecting, it may sound weird, but in a way I think that I, and everyone, can probably find something, no matter how small, to connect with pretty much everyone we come in contact with, simply by virtue of humanity. I believe this now because I have felt it in a weird way with Mistress #15 from an SNL sketch. Don't ask.

edit: I wrote this before watching the Glozell video. She believes the same thing. So it must be true.

We Shall Overcome

I don't want to promote any of these "facts" in any way (not that I think this blog gets a whole lot of [intentional] viewers anyway) but when something makes me happy like this does, I have to share it.

Peace and blessings.

A Funny Day

    Today has just made me laugh a lot.
    First, I was driving my not-so-smooth ride of a car, and I actually got motion sickness from its lack of any kind of shocks. I seriously considered pulling over.
    Then I got to my grandparents' house and my grandpa started working on my car. My grandma came out and midsentence through asking me how I was, she turned to my grandpa and disgustedly asked, "Is that the shirt I just bought you?" I looked over and saw a giant hole in both sleeves and paint splatters covering it. He calmly said, "Yes," then turned to me and just smiled a great, big smile. She then said, "You can dress 'em up, but you can't take 'em out." I've only heard that said about small children.
    After that, we went out to lunch. I accidentally made awkward eye contact with an old man picking his nose. What to you do? You both know it happened, as much as you would like to not know that it did.
    When the waitress came, my grandpa ordered a piece of pie and a coffee. The waitress stopped writing on her pad, said, "One second," and walked away. When she came back, she told my grandpa, "I don't know if you really want pie. All we have is pumpkin, and it's been sitting there for a couple weeks." He just had some coffee.
    As lunch went on, he told us a story about growing up (he never really does that, but now I want him to every time I see him). He told us about a time when he and his dad painted the kitchen for his mom. "The old man was a heavy drinker," he said, "but that day he hadn't even had one drink. This was before people knew about fumes though, and when we were done, mom laid into him so hard for getting drunk with me. We didn't even know what was going on, we were still a little loopy."
    Yes it was definitely a comical day today, the perfect thing to make me forget that I have to go back to school after a couple weeks of Christmas break bliss.

I Like People

They are funny.

Especially teenagers, apparently.

I'll Be Watching This

An Idiot Abroad

"It's making Karl do things other people want to do before they die. This isn't his list." --Stephen Merchant & Ricky Gervais

I Personally Don't Get It

Maybe when this list was made, the creator accidentally typed "ugly" instead of "devastatingly attractive." I just don't know.

Really, REALLY ugly guys (according to "Caraleena")

--Shae

Starting Over

One thing that I like about college (at least, I think I'm going to like it, since I've actually only got one semester down) is that it seems like every semester can be a new beginning. In high school, sure, you change some classes halfway through, and there are some differences between the years, but looking back it is pretty much three years of the same thing: same building, same people, same teachers. But in the wonderful world of college, you can pretty much take a new semester and build what you want out of it, kind of start fresh. Which sounds awesome. And I'm hoping that it's true.

In the words of our beloved Typhoon:
"I've started a new beginning
suspiciously like the old one
only this time I'm ready."

I'm also hoping that last line is true.

This Seemed Familiar

When I first saw this, I thought, "Wow, those are some original dance moves!" 

But then I thought, "Wait a minute..."

I am onto you, King Charles.

--Shae

we need to play our card game with donald glover

I think he would be pretty good at it.